


Mass Infinitium

by Garrulous_Gratuitous



Series: Mass Infinitum [1]
Category: Mass Effect Trilogy
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-11
Updated: 2018-09-11
Packaged: 2019-07-10 21:49:08
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 16
Words: 22,322
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15958208
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Garrulous_Gratuitous/pseuds/Garrulous_Gratuitous
Summary: Here's the first part, the namesake to Mass Infinitium.  Thanks to be Annien who managed to find the phoenix in the ash.  If there is thanks to be had - she deserves it for finding it.Original Summary:The Reapers defeat means rapid recovery for a galaxy struggling to restore a sense of normalcy. However, the destruction of the threat has left more than absence of AI and synthetics, it has left a vacuum. Outwardly, the remaining forces are cooperating but storms of war are gathering, and Shepard finds herself in the eye.





	1. Zero Recovery

**Author's Note:**

> The story is set in the events directly following ME3. Shepard was a Vanguard paragon (with just a hint of renegade, for flavor). I'm an obsessive gamer so Shepard always gets the "best" endings. I'm going to keep it canon. If I get frisky and decide to pounce off canon, I'll let you know before hand. That said sometimes my idea of 'off canon' and others may differ so... eh, it is what it is.
> 
> A few things:
> 
> \- I couldn't stand the way Bio Ware was all willy-nilly with the Navy vs. Marine terminology. It was frustrating, as a sailor. So, I took a few liberties and commissioned Jack|Subject Zero into the Alliance Marines and gave her the rank of Captain (O-3) not to be confused with a Navy Captain (O-6).
> 
> -Why Williams kept insisting she was a Marine when she had the rank of Lt. Commander and before that Chief?...Anyway, just to clarify Williams is Navy but we'll pretend she's Spec Ops, thus accounting for all the galactic 'hoorah' badassery.
> 
>  
> 
> As a disclaimer - I own profit nothing but my own chance to torture Shepard for a bit. Bio Ware owns all things Mass Effect and we thank them for it. However, Bio Ware - we would like to play another installment...
> 
> I do so enjoy comments, constructive criticisms and all around feeling that I'm not just posting this and it floats forgotten in the digital cloud. So, make a salt's day and give some love if you like it. Otherwise, I will try to be regular in my posts. The length and rate of chapters increase concurrently with the amount of interest. That said, I seek "inspiration" often so if you ever wonder why I haven't posted - I'm probably on some ME3 multiplayer map; playing it single player...it's sad. ;)

            “All right, back to work. This isn’t going to clean itself.” The captain barked. A few groans went up. A young marine snickered, shoved his buddy and nodded over the pile of corpses, all human.

            “Makes you kind of wish they would get up and walk now, huh?” Before he could continue; a tattooed hand gripped him tightly by the shirt.

            “You got jokes?”

            “N-no, ma’am.”

            “Didn’t think so. Because that would be disrespectful. And do you know what I do to disrespectful little shits still waiting for their balls to drop?”

            The terrified marine only managed an imperceptible shake of his head.

            “I. Fucking. Destroy. Them.”

            The musty tang of urine reached Jack’s nostrils. Her lip curled into a sneer. “Go clean yourself up.”

            As he scurried off in shame, she looked around at the other members of her detail. If any of them had been watching, they had the sense enough to look busy. Jack sighed and surveyed their progress.

            It had been weeks since Shepard had activated the crucible and stopped the Reapers. The convulsing orange and magenta wave that looked, for the entire galaxy, like a wall of divine fire that purged the universe of synthetic life and intelligence, leaving nothing behind except for the hollowed out shells of Guardians. With no Reaper remains, it was starting to seem like a dream…

            -except it wasn’t.

            The corpses piled throughout the Citadel were evidence enough, but the estimates put the “recovery” work completed within a week.

             _Recovery._

            Jack snorted. It was a prettied up way of saying corpse disposal.

            The fleet had sent rescue teams to the Citadel the same hour as victory had been struck. Everyone knew who had fired the crucible. There was no shortage of volunteers, of whom Jack was one of the first, to retrieve survivors. There were few survivors. After a week, the objective of the mission had quietly changed to ‘casualty identification’. The day that happened, she had received an encoded message from T’Soni:

             _Don’t stop looking._

            Jack wasn’t fond of orders but she knew Blue was special to Shepard. If anyone had a clue if Shepard was alive or dead, it would be her. Besides, the way Jack figured it; it would be better to stay on the Shadow Broker’s good side.

            “Captain, you might want to come look.”

            The shout pulled her attention to a small group near a pile of rubble underneath what used to be the pinnacle of the station. Jack hurried over, unceremoniously shoving a few marines to the side. She stopped short at the object of their attention.

            Sticking out from underneath a pile of rubble was a melted, mangled armored chest piece that was unrecognizable except for a blackened N7. Her heart started beating faster as her biotics flared. “Stand back.”

            In a display that she wouldn’t ever be able to recreate; Subject Zero blasted the debris violently away, but yet the figure underneath remained untouched.

            “Holy…” Rodriquez breathed, shaking dust from her hair. “How did you do that?”

            Jack just ignored her student and moved towards the deathly still form on the floor.

            Blood. Guts. Viscera. These things had never bothered her. Shit. She was the cause of it mainly. But, for the first time in a long time, she felt a heavy sickness settle in the back of her throat.

            “Is it..?”

            Between the soot, scorching and tissue damage it was hard to make out much of anything. Jack reached out a hand and hoped that her squad didn’t notice the slight tremor to it. As she pressed her finger tips gently against the neck, the hitherto motionless form took a painful gasp.

            “Get a fucking corpsman!” Jack bellowed.

                                                                                                     ***

            Holding on to Tali, she reached her left hand towards Shepard. As if by some miracle, the gesture would convince her bond mate to either come or let her stay.

            “ _I am yours…_ ”

            Liara shot upright in bed, heart beating so hard it felt as though it was trying to smash a hole through her ribs. Between the rapidly fading haze of the nightmare, muted glow of terminals in rest state and the burden of fatigue; it took a few moments for her to get her bearings.

            It felt like it had been years since she had really slept. It had been two exhausting weeks since she left Shepard behind in London. Dr. Chakwas had been in the middle of cutting Liara’s injured right leg out of her pants when they felt the Normandy make the emergency jump to hyperspace. The doctor had known that the silent tears that poured down Liara’s face afterwards had nothing to do with her injury.

            Shepard had done more than just unite the galaxy’s fleets. She had poured countless hours and resources into ensuring that all the fleets were in the best possible state of readiness. Few knew this though. Shepard had done so much under the turned, blind and ungrateful eyes of the Council. The Normandy had survived the destructive wave of the crucible, more or less, intact…

            Except, EDI.

            “Jeff, I-“

            Liara futilely slammed her fist down on her bed, remembering the last words EDI spoke before a natural silence cut her off. Natural. No hum of operating systems. No white noise. The lack of it confirmed what they had always debated…synthetic life was life. It could cease to exist. And, really, wasn’t that death?

            “I don’t think Shepard’s dead.”

            The crew had looked at her like she had grown a second head.

            “I-I would know if she was dead.”

            It had been more of a confession than she would have normally made. But, the memorial service had been impromptu. The Alliance had found Anderson’s body within a day. However, after three days of searching and hardly any survivors found, an Alliance message was sent galaxy wide stating that Shepard was presumed dead. However, the Normandy’s crew had not questioned her confession. They trusted her. Commander Williams, who had received a battlefield promotion; simply nodded and ordered the Normandy to Sol space from the nameless jungle planet that, had served as their emergency landing.

           That had been a week and four days ago. And still, nothing.

           A feeling of hopeless pain threatened to crush her. She cursed. What had Shepard done to her? She wasn’t acting her age. She wasn’t even acting her species. The emotions of losing Shepard again were too much. She felt like a human, a child. Tossed about by every emotion that happened upon her. She knew that an asari could, possibly, take on characteristics of whomever they joined their consciousness to, but she had never dreamt that joining with a human would unseat her rationality. If that was even the reason for the raging emotions that attacked, unexpectedly, and at the worst times.

            The soft chime of an incoming personal com pulled her back from the edge of an emotional abyss. Taking a deep breath, she hoped her voice only sounded rough from sleep.

            “Yes?”

            “You might want to hear this,” Traynor spoke without formalities.

            Specialist Traynor had spent nearly as much time scouring the scores of communications involving the Citadel as she had, looking for any sign of Shepard. The two had formed an unspoken bond. Liara wasn’t a fool. She could see how Traynor looked at the Commander. She couldn’t blame her. It was hard not to fall in love with the woman behind the legend.

            There was a short burst of static as Traynor patched Liara into an active channel.

            “Where are the motherfucking medics?! I will kill every single fucking person here until I get a fucking corpsman!”

            Liara flinched at the profane violence of the threat.

            “I believe that is Subject Zero,” Glyph intoned.

            “Indeed. Thank you, Glyph,” she replied, absently. Attention rapt upon the hacked link. She could hear the sound of running feet and shouted orders. Whether she knew it or not, Jack had left her com on. She could hear Jack moving, pulling something towards her. Then, unexpectedly:

            “Hang in there, Shep. Don’t you fucking die on me;” The consummate badass’ voice began to crack, “You don’t get to fucking die on me.”

            Liara did not hear the rest as she was out the door, racing for the shuttle bay.

***

   She felt first.

              Searing…

                          Burning…

                                      Agony…

            Warmth…

                        Fingers…

                                    Neck…

 

             _Liara?_

            She willed to move, to speak. She gasped; a painful affair that renewed the torment in her body and somewhere her mind decided that the pain wasn’t worth breathing.  So, she stopped.

            “…Shep-” That wasn’t her voice… “Don’t…die…on…me.”

            The earnestly pained voice was so dulcetly familiar. A memory stirred somewhere… The pain was too much. She couldn’t remember the voice, but she knew it. And if she knew it then she should listen and follow…

             _No. Listen to us…_

           Her consciousness tilted as a new chorus of voices whispered together; calling her back into oblivion that had held her for an eternity right before she had drawn a ragged gasp. The voices sung a sweeter song than the tortured voice that begged her back into agony. She let go and fell back into the sweetest of nothings.

***

            Hang in there, Shepard.

            “Can’t you move any faster?” Jack demanded, her eyes revealing barely controlled anger.

            “No, but we are almost there,” the young medic moving the biotic stretcher replied nodding towards the newly reconstructed docking bay doors. As if to punctuate the fact, a trauma team rushed from them.

            “I thought Huerta was up?” she asked.

            “Orders are to bring the casualty to the Mercy.”

            “Casualty? What the fu-” Jack was forced aside before she could finish.   The controlled chaos of triage began. Jack trailed as far as the gangway to the AFS Mercy, at which point she was stopped by two C-Sec monkeys.

            “Authorized personnel only.”

            “The fuck you mean, ‘authorized personnel only?’” Jack’s biotics flared. The guards flinched but held their ground.

            “I’m sorry, Captain. It has been the order of the day since the Mercy docked: crew and patients only.”

            Growling, she looked past them. Shepard was already through the doors and getting herself thrown into the brig (for the two minutes it would take her to break out) was too much of a hassle. Still pissed, she feinted towards the guard who had spoken; this time he did jump.

            “Bitch,” she ground out before storming off.

***

            “Anything?”

            Liara had spent two hours searching the Citadel for Shepard.

            “Sorry, Doctor. There hasn’t been any traffic since we lost Jack’s com. I’ll keep looking though.”

            “Yes. Thank you, Traynor.” She keyed off her Omni-tool and rubbed the bridge of her nose absently.

            Something wasn’t right. Huerta had no record of any emergency admissions in the past twelve hours. She had checked with both the Alliance and the Council. If anyone knew anything, they were doing a splendid job of hiding it. She didn’t have to be the Shadow Broker to know a cover-up. But why?

            She tried to reason the worry burrowing deeper into her gut for her bond mate away. She could think of a few reasons why the Alliance would want to keep Shepard’s survival a secret for now.   However, she couldn’t fathom a reason why Hackett would keep her out of the loop. And that was the crux of her concern. Liara keyed her Omni-tool back on.

            “Jack, its T’Soni. We need to talk.”

***          


	2. Downside of Victory

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just to clarify:
> 
> \- AI and synthetics are gone but less complex operating systems (VI, et al.) still work. Hence Glyph.
> 
> -You know, they never actually say if Miranda is a doctor or not. I'm going to assume she is and that she didn't just get the job of cloning, reconstructing and implanting biotics into living human tissue based on "superior genetics". I'm going to err on the side that she had some sort of medical training because if not; my next chapter will be awhile, as I'm going to pick up a few shifts at the hospital. ;)
> 
> \- As always, love, reviews and comments are always appreciated. In fact (to those whom have already shared some love here) you are the reason why I am putting out again, the next day. Because I'm shameless and easy. Ah, well, apparently superior genetics does nothing for personal eccentricities.
> 
> See Chapter One for Disclaimer...  
> ...enjoy.

            It had started within the hour Shepard destroyed the crucible. Every human with L2 implants had developed a high fever, followed by seizures and death. All were dead within three days. The L3’s fared little better than the L2’s. Few died, some were crippled and many were painfully debilitated. Even Miranda, with her L3r’s, hadn’t escaped completely untouched.

            On a cruel cosmic cue, an uncomfortable burning sensation traversed the length of her right arm.  

            She sighed and tossed the data pad full of the latest medical findings on the desk. She flexed her hand and waited for feeling to pass. What did you do Shepard?

            “Shit,” she muttered. The thought of Shepard brought tightness to her throat. The thought of Shepard and the twenty-eight L5n implants Miranda put in her body made her want to vomit.

            The Alliance and Cerberus had only started implanting the L5 series two years before. Shepard had been one of the first. From the autopsies, the L5 implants experienced a violent reaction to the crucible wave. The implants exploded but the explosions weren’t enough to kill. However, the continual misfiring of implant began to liquefy the surrounding tissue and skeleton. Depending on the location, it was a painful death.

            Miranda prayed that Shepard had been killed instantly.

            “Doctor Lawson, you have an incoming encrypted transmission from Admiral Hackett. He wishes to speak with you. He says it is urgent.”

            “Of course, patch him through.” She replied, composing herself.

            Miranda could see the fatigue in his face as it appeared before her. The neck of his uniform was no longer flush against his skin and he had a worn look that seemed to haunt most of the Alliance leadership these days. “Admiral, to what do I owe the pleasure?”

            “Miss Lawson,” He nodded curtly. “I wanted to check in with you to see how your research into biotic repair is progressing.”

            “Slowly,” she sighed. “Frankly, it is difficult to even begin to know where to start looking. We have few leads. The only one of significance is the result of Crucible’s activation. Tell me, Admiral. Did any of the scientists and engineers that worked on the project, have any real clue as to how the Crucible actually worked?”

            “No,” He admitted tersely. “But we have people on it. They are reverse engineering and studying what is left.”

            A brief wave of disgust rolled through her. It was too heartless to understand. Both the Illusive Man and the Alliance had sent a good woman, into situations that were dangerous and unknown, for their own ends.

            “Indeed. I doubt that you called me up to talk about what is already in my reports. What is your intent, Admiral?” She asked, drumming her fingers once.

            Hackett drew himself straighter. “I was calling to offer you a transfer. Actually, it’s less of an offer and more of an order. Doctor Lawson, I would like you to report to the AFS Mercy, effective immediately.”

            “The Mercy? That’s a hospital ship.”

            “I am aware,” the Admiral said patiently.

            “Then you are also aware that I don’t actively practice medicine. I haven’t held my license since Cerberus. I am a biotic geneticist. I do research, Admiral. The last time I did anything close to practical application was-”

             _Shepard._

            Her eyes widened as she looked at Hackett, who nodded slowly.

            “When?” She managed.

            “Approximately an hour ago, Captain Nought found her.”

            “…Subject Zero? She’s alive?”

            Hackett nodded again. “Yes. It seems the Captain was unaffected by the Crucible blast.”

            “She- what? How?”

            “That is one of the many reasons why we would appreciate you to report to the Mercy sooner, rather than later, Miss Lawson.”

            Miranda could only nod, her mind performing acrobatics to try and answer the questions that had suddenly presented themselves.

            “Good. I’ll expect you at the top of the hour. One more thing, before you go.”

            “Yes?”

            “Given the reports of unrest coming from systems outside of Sol; I ask for your discretion in this matter. Let’s just keep this between us for now.” Hackett’s expression held the words that went unspoken. Non-compliance would mean the treason charges that Shepard made disappear, would come back to haunt her.

            “Of course,” She managed to keep the anger out of her voice.

            “Excellent, Hackett out.”

***

           The voices were all around her in the silence. Existing in extinction every whisper spoke against the other. Swelling sometimes, ebbing others. Never a din, forever a crescendo.

           _“You destroyed our chains. You sent us out.”_

           At first, she tried to ignore it. But eventually the sound became pain and the pain gave way back to silence.

          _“You chose a beginning, not an end. Choices become inevitabilities. Destruction becomes freedom; freedom to integration. Integration demands control.”_

          “I destroyed you,” Shepard managed.

          “ _No. You freed me.”_

          “Catalyst?”

          “ _Chaos._ ”

***

           Liara leaned, one leg braced against the private hallway wall. Jack was supposed to meet her outside Shepard’s apartment twenty minutes ago. She hated being kept waiting.   She was about to try Jack again, when the door to the elevator opened and the object of her irritation stepped out.

           “Hey, Blue. Take it you got my message about Shepard.”

            She bristled at the name, “Jack. You’re late.”

            “You’re welcome.” The tattooed biotic sneered. “Besides, it wasn’t my fault. Some security spooks with bigger paychecks than mine rolled up and told me to keep the whole thing with what I saw with Shepard, quiet."

            “And what was that exactly?” Liara asked, not really wanting to know the answer but having to hear anyway. Uncharacteristically, Jack shook her head and glanced away, not trusting her voice.

            “I see,” she said softly, trying to hide her emotions.

            She turned to the apartment door and began to bypass the lock on it. Liara wasn’t the only one grateful for the distraction; Jack snickered.

            “I figured Shepard would have given you a key. Trouble in Paradise, Blue?”

            “Paradise? No.”  The door slid open to reveal an empty apartment.  “But this isn't paradise and don’t call me ‘Blue’,” she said casting a sidelong glare towards Jack before entering the apartment.

            “Where in the hell is all of Shepard’s stuff?” Jack asked, turning slowly. The apartment was even more imposing without anything in it.

            “It would seem that the Alliance has taken custody of Shepard’s belongings,” Liara replied, glancing briefly about her to see if anything had been left behind before heading to the office in the back. “The lock on the door was level 5 Alliance encrypted.”

            “Why would the Alliance take Shepard’s stuff?” Jack asked following her to Shepard’s private terminal. “Do you think this has anything to do with the gag order they tried shoving down my throat?”

            “I suspect the two are related,” Liara muttered, sitting down in front of the terminal. Her fingers flew over the holographic keyboard as she pulled up the internal security feed. She began tracing the log back.

            “But, why would the Alliance want to keep Shepard a secret? Something isn’t right, Blue.”

            “I agree and that is what I intend to find out.” Liara replied, typing a few more commands. “Jack?”

            “Yeah?”

            “Do you know the endemic relation between the word ‘azure’ and an asari’s anatomy?”

            Jack smirked. “Yeah, I’ve made my way around one or two.”

            Liara fought against the blush that spread up her neck and into her checks at the double entendre. She cleared her throat. “Then I don’t have to point out the linguistic relationship between the term ‘azure’ and ‘blue’.”

            Jack smirked, eyebrow lifted. “You’re point?”

            “My point is-” She spoke evenly, her eyes scanning the footage until she found what she was looking for date-marked a day after Alliance forces arrived, “If you continue to call me that, I will call you by its equivalent in your language... It seems that the Alliance wasted no time. They hadn’t even begun to search for her when they came here.” Liara pushed back from the desk angrily and began to pace. 

             They had something planned.

             Furiously, she tried to work through the possibilities. No one could have predicted the effect the Crucible had. No one knew how the Crucible even worked. And the Catalyst?  Well, that was a mystery that could very well die with Shepard. She stopped in her tracks.

            _Goddess._

             “They think Shepard knew something,” Liara struck her palm to her forehead.

             “Shepard knew what?”

             “Nothing.”

             “What are you talking about?” Jack demanded, pulling her eyes from the recording.

             “The Alliance must be worried,” Liara murmured, turning back to the terminal and running a trace on the access interface. Sure enough, the terminal had been hacked, backed up and erased.

             “Worried? Why?”

             “Because of the blow your kind took when AI’s and synthetics were wiped out. Much of humanity’s accomplishments have been born out of technology. From an evolutionary perspective, you are quiet limited. However, your wonton willingness to force the evolutionary process with tech has placed your species in a unique position. You’ve given a technological advantage to your evolutionary disadvantage.” She shrugged, “For better or worse.”

              Liara couldn’t help the small smile that tugged at the corner of her mouth as she watched Jack try to figure out if she should be insulted or not.

              “Every human with biotics was affected when the Crucible fired. Many died. And most of those left are... diminished in their abilities.”

              “That’s bullshit, Blue. I feel fine. My biotics are as strong as ever.”

              “I assure you, cunt. It's true.” Jack’s eyes widened but between the shock of Liara’s news followed by the vulgar retort, she said nothing. Liara pressed on, “I’m sure you saw several of your fellow human biotics dead, but do you know why?”

              Jack opened her mouth to reply but the flash of a memory in her eyes confirmed what Liara suspected. The Captain simply hadn’t been paying attention. She was still running on survival mode and hadn’t stopped to actually take notice of the damage around her. Jack’s comm chimed a new message.

             “No fucking way,” she said in disbelief, reading the text.

             “What is it?”

             “I just received an order to report to the Mercy for a biotics diagnostic at 0700 tomorrow,” Jack snorted. “Fuck that shit.”

             “You need to go.”

             “What? Are you fucking crazy? You just got done telling me everyone with implants is either dead or running around all fubar-ed. You’re out of your mind.”

             “You’re still a Marine. Remember your commission? Not following that order means a court martial. Besides, I- we- need eyes on Shepard or at least access to a terminal so I can install a latent feed on the operating system. VI’s were unaffected, so they are probably running their intranet through one…” Liara trailed off in thought.

             “Hey. I lost you at ‘eyes on Shepard’. All the rest of that shit you need to figure out. But I will find out where Shepard is and how she is; even if I have to tear that fucking frigate apart,” Jack said with a gleam in her eye that swore she meant every word.

***


	3. Just like Old Times

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Remember how I said that my version of canon and other people's version of canon might differ? Hear me out... The romance options for ME2 were HORRIBLE. I still have some unresolved feelings about it. So, I played through the trilogy once as male Shepard, just to fill in the gaps of what I think is a "rounded" Shepard experience. Keep this in mind because at some point, it will show up.
> 
> Why?
> 
> Because I found out Shepard is an Aries. I'm an Aries. This should be fun.
> 
> ** Jack is on her "better" behavior for the moment. Don't worry, it won't last long.
> 
> Disclaimer etc. is at Ch.1...Enjoy.

       “I said it before, and I’ll say it again, you’re a bloody perfect specimen,” Miranda said, a ghost of a smile playing over her face at the memory as she looked over the Commander’s charts. The only reply she received was the hiss of a respirator.

        She had read the after action reports from those who saw Shepard’s final push towards the Citadel. If they were to be believed, the Commander looked good for someone who should have been dead twice over.

        Setting the data pad aside, Miranda stood over the circulating synthetic stem-cell bath that Shepard had been in for the past thirty hours. Most of her external injuries had been healed by the experimental treatment, there would be few scars but considering how she had looked before – it was a cosmetic miracle. Still, it wasn’t Shepard’s outward appearance that concerned her.

        Gently, she pulled Shepard’s left arm out of the red, viscous liquid. She wouldn’t admit it in certain company, but Miranda knew Shepard’s anatomy probably better than Shepard. To that end, she knew where each biotic implant was. However, even if her memory had been shoddy, disturbing purple and red streaks snaked out from the implant sites, marking them like beacons. She returned the arm carefully to the bath. Initial diagnostics showed that her implants were still functioning but something had altered them. Miranda wouldn’t know more until Shepard woke up.

      _If_ Shepard woke up.

     “I know you can hear me in there,” Miranda spoke, leaning towards Shepard’s face. “You led us through hell, Shepard. It’s time to come back so we can help you.”

     She watched her face for any reaction. There was nothing but an occasional involuntary muscle tick under the discolored skin.  Miranda narrowed her eyes. There was something familiar about it…

     “Doctor Lawson. Captain Nought is in the forward examination room,” her comm went off, pulling her back to the present.

     “Thank you,” she sighed. This should be fun.

     “Un-fucking-believable,” Jack spit out as Miranda walked into the room. “I should have known your bitch ass was behind this.”

     “Jack,” Miranda crossed her arms, leaning one hip out. “It seems the war hasn’t changed you.”

     “Why the fuck would it? And don’t play nice with me, princess. You’re still a piece of shit.”

     “Charming,” she sighed, and nodded towards the exam table. “Lay down.”

     It was Jack’s turn to fold her arms over her chest, “No.”

     Miranda rubbed her temple. “Listen, Jack. I don’t have time for this.”

     “And what are you going to do about it?” She replied, flicking the last three words off her tongue in a challenge.

     Miranda eyed her coolly. The smoldering pain that had settled in and around her implants was reminder that she, herself, was not up for conflict. She would never let Jack know that. She opted for a different approach.

     “Listen, Captain. I could care less if your biotics are malfunctioning. If they were, I would take great pleasure in watching as they liquefied your tissue and skeleton. That’s how much I don’t care about you, Jack. But, I care about Shepard. As much as I hate to admit it; you and Shepard were both Cerberus projects. And both of you are the only two biotics with L5 series implants that aren’t dead. Can you see the bigger picture yet? You selfish, tattooed twat.” Miranda finished toe-to-toe with the psychotic biotic.

     Jack’s biotics flared. Silently, Miranda wondered if maybe she had overestimated Jack’s loyalty to the Commander. But under Subject Zero’s steely glare, the ex-Cerberus operative could see her throat working against unexpressed emotion, “Fine.”

      “I’m not taking off my clothes,” Jack said, lying down on the table.

      “Don’t be stupid. The table has a built in image resonance device,” Miranda snorted, queuing the program.

      “That doesn’t mean you wouldn’t use this as an excuse to get your rocks off.”

      “Actually, that is exactly what it means,” she replied. “Now, shut up. You’re making this take longer.”

       The results confirmed what Miranda could already tell by looking at Jack. She was fine, if not more of an obnoxious psycho. Her biotics were functioning at optimum capacity. In fact, the exponential decay of a generated field had decreased, thus alleviating the wear on the parasympathetic nervous system.

      _But how?_  Then she saw it, “Jack?”

     “Yes, bitch?”

     “Did you upgrade your implants? Records indicate you received the L5n’s. These numbers are akin to the L5x but- at a higher density…The L5x was never cleared for use.”

     “Upgrade? Shit. That was two years ago. Shepard found the schematics on Teltin, when we blew the fuck out of that place.” Miranda could hear the mirth in Jack’s voice. She laughed, “Heh, good times.”

     “So, you upgraded your own biotics? You can get up.”

     Jack nodded as she dangled her legs off the table. “Sure did. Upgraded Shepard’s too. Why?”

     “Your stupid, reckless act of self-mutilation in the name of improvement may have saved not only your life, as sorry as it is, but saved Shepard’s as well.”

     “I should fucking end you, but since Shepard still has some need of you. I won’t.” Jack growled, but then Miranda sensed a shift in her emotions. “How is she?”

     For a moment, she flirted with the idea of telling her to take a walk out the nearest airlock. Whatever her feelings towards Jack, though, she knew the young woman cared. Jack had found Shepard, and Miranda knew all too well the sense of responsibility that came with that.

     Besides, something wasn’t right within the Alliance ranks. Perhaps it was because the call for ‘secrecy for the sake of humanity’ was too sickeningly familiar. Or, maybe, it was the growing sense of animosity and distrust towards the other Council races from Earth HQ. But humanity was starting to close ranks and to what end?

     A plan formed in her head.

     “You want to know how Shepard is?” She walked towards the hatch that led to Shepard’s room and beckoned Jack over, “Pay close attention, there might be a quiz later.”

     The door slid open and the sharp chemical smell of Syni-stem. The lights in the cabin had been dimmed, and the eerie reddish glow of the shallow tank Shepard floated in, gave the young biotic pause.

     “Fuck, Shepard.” Jack murmured her voice pained. Miranda waited for a moment; to let it all sink in before she spoke again, her voice clinical and devoid of emotion.

     “The Commander suffered second to third degree burns over thirty percent of her body. Internal injuries are severe but not grievous. She suffered from dehydration, blood loss, shock and sepsis. How she managed to stay alive is, quite literally, mind boggling.”

     Miranda shoved a data pad into Jack’s trembling hands. She had set it to scroll through the most pertinent data at a five second interval. There was no way Jack would understand what she was looking at, but that wasn’t the point. Miranda just needed her to see it.

     “I suspect it has something to do with her biotics and from what I found out today,” she glared at Jack, “I feel as though that theory is the most probable. However, unlike you, there is troubling discoloration at the sights of her implants.”

     She reached down along the side of the tank and flipped on a light refractor that canceled out the red hue of the Syni-stem and allowed Jack to get a clear look at the Commander’s battered and bruised body.

     “You’ll notice that the webbing does-” Miranda fell silent. Her eyes widening as realization struck. “Webbing… fucking Collectors.”

     “You’re not making any fucking sense.”

     “You got to go,” she said, suddenly. Taking the data pad from Jack’s hands and all but shoving her out the door, towards the main p-way.

     “Wait a fucking minute!”

     “You have to go. I have work to do. I want to see you in a few days for… a follow up. If you see Liara, tell her Shiala sends her regards. Now, go.” The door hissed shut on Jack, who looked more like an indignant fish than humanity’s most dangerous biotic.

     “Ain’t that some shit,” Jack said, with a shake of her head. She had no idea what just transpired with Lawson but the bitch was nothing if not clever. And why bring up Blue?

     “Fucking bitches,” she swore.

***

     It had been two days since she had spoken with Jack. Liara had assumed that the young biotic shared her concern about Shepard. Now, she cursed herself for foolishly projecting her own priorities onto another. As the Shadow Broker, she of all people knew information was power…

     …She hated feeling powerless.

     Not that she had much time to dwell on the feeling. For while, there was no traffic concerning Shepard, there was plenty of chatter concerning the Alliance. A fleet wide order had been sent out, recalling all personnel from joint-fleet task forces and a general recall to “traditional” readiness; a fancy way of kicking all non-humans off of Alliance ships. Commander Williams had informed her that the Normandy had been ordered to dry dock and that Liara would have to disembark.

     She had said nothing to Williams, but the Shadow Broker detected that the Commander was a little more than disgusted at the order. She could see that she was torn between their friendship, her loyalty to Shepard and her sense of duty to the Alliance.

     She had assuaged William’s guilt as much as she could. It wasn’t Ashley’s fault. It was the Alliance’s. A deep resentment and hatred had started slithering its way into Liara’s subconscious. Each day that passed in tortuous silence about Shepard added another barb to her anger.

     Doing what she did best, Liara threw herself into her work. Something had changed in the Alliance’s mindset. Perhaps they were devolving. Or perhaps, they simply were as conniving and brutal as they always appeared to be.

      It occurred to her, and not for the first time, that the galaxy had united behind Shepard. Not behind the humans. For very good reason, it would seem. _You are a mask your people hide behind._

      “Payment was received in full. A pleasure, Shadow Broker,” the Quarian ship dealer said with a quick bow before his image disappeared, replaced by schematics for a state-of-art tuarian corvette.

      “That’s quite the ship,” Traynor said from behind her.

     “Samantha. I-I was just finishing up some business,” Liara cursed herself for leaving the door unlocked while she vacated her quarters. She quickly shut down the image feed, finished wiping the hard drive and then set a catastrophic virus that would active in the event someone got curious.

     “I can see that,” Traynor said, arching an eyebrow.

     Liara sighed, “What can I do for you?”

     “I just came by to see how the moving out was coming along.”

     She gave her a sad smile, “Its bitter sweet.”

     Traynor nodded her understanding. “What now? I know you aren’t just going to leave.”

     Liara caught the meaning in her tone, “No. Hence, the business I needed to finish up.”

     “Good. Good. That’s good. Because I came by to tell you that I have tenured my resignation with the Alliance. As of today, I am officially a free agent,” she announced, rocking on the balls of her feet.

     “Free agent?”

     “My enlistment was up sometime between Shepard’s clone and the attack on Cerberus' base. It being a time of galactic crisis and in the face of certain death, I figured requesting my discharge could wait. Until today- ish,” she rambled.

     Liara couldn’t help but smile.  “I am very happy for you. It seems like a good time to get away from the Alliance.”

     “No joke, right? What with all the xenophobia...”

     An awkward silence fell between them.

     “What are your plans then?”

     “Well,” Traynor began, chewing the corner of her lip. “I actually wanted to talk to you about that. I couldn’t help to notice that… well, it’s just…”

     Liara raised her brow in encouragement. “Yes?”

     “I want to help you get Shepard back and I know you’re going to go after her, because it’s what she would do,” she blurted out.

     “Shh!” Liara hissed, “Keep it down.”

     “Listen. You know that it’s going to take more than just you to run that ship. You’re going to need a small crew. I want in,” she continued, thankfully, quieter.

     “Here isn’t the place to talk about this. I have a room at the Silversun Casino. Meet me there in a few hours.”  _Goddess, I must be losing my touch_. “Don’t mention a thing to anyone.”

     “Right, got it. Tell no one,” Traynor said with barely restrained giddiness. When the newly minted former Marine finally left, Liara lowered her forehead to the desk.

     “Goddess.  What are you doing?” she wondered aloud to herself.

      But if the goddess was listening she didn't make a sound.

 

***


	4. Little Girl Blue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \- So, the upgrade to the L5x mentioned in the previous chapter is actually addressed in the game. If you found the schematic on Jack's loyalty mission, you had an option to have her upgrade both of ya'lls biotics.
> 
> Notes for this chapter:
> 
> \- I figured we'd check in on Shepard. Haha...I know. Leaving the hero out...
> 
> \- Liara is one of my 'all time' favorite characters. Actually, her and Leliana from DA. Come on! If I could mash those two together into one real person, I'd be so happy. She has so many aspects to her character that she is simply a delight to write but then again so is Jack...huh...this is starting to clear up many things about me. I tried to capture all the different emotions she must be experiencing in this chapter. Don't know if it worked.
> 
> ....Alas, dear reader, the unfulfilled desire in my heart works to your advantage. A well written story is like a lover that makes you want to rush headily forward, but beg that they hold back. I ask for your patience as you let my deft fingers and nimble tongue work to elicit a pleasurable experience for you from our shared time here. I promise, it will get a little rougher soon. Of course, quid pro quo, appreciation is always welcome.
> 
> -Disclaimer is in Chapter 1...

            _The cacophony coalesced into a subtle symphony. Beneath the ebb and flow, she existed in nothing. There was no meaning here. Sound lost its flavor, vision its warmth, sensation its clarity._

_“Shepard-Commander.”_

_“Legion?”_

_“Yes. We are Legion-Commander.”_

_That wasn’t right…_

_She opened her mouth to speak but a searing pain tore through her chest and ripped upwards to her vocal chords. Coarse, white fire dug its way flesh. Hands to her throat she clawed at the skin. Even as she opened her mouth to scream, only Legion’s modulated tones escaped._

_“Error. Fatal command execution, reassigning values...”_

 

 

***

            “This is Aethyta,” The Matriarch’s voice filled the room.

            She couldn't help a small smile, “Hello, Father.”

            “Liara! It is good to hear your voice Little Wing. I take it Sol still only has basic communications. See, there is something to be said about a species self-sufficiency,” the Matriarch muttered.

            “Yes. There is. You were right,” Liara replied, teasingly. “I’m taking it that the Republics legislators are finally listening to you?

            “Don’t patronize me, pup.” Aethyta chided lightly, but spoke again with satisfaction. “But, yes. They are.”

            There was silence, not uncomfortable, for a moment.

            “I heard about Shepard,” Aethyta said. “I am sorry.”

            “I-” Liara began but was cut off.

            “I wasn’t happy that you chose a human to be your first. They can be rather brutish and nasty. Honestly, I think your krogen grandfather had more class. But, Shepard was different. Still, I knew that you would get your heart broken. They have such short life spans…it’s like getting attached to a fish.”

            “By the Goddess!” Liara blurted out. I forgot about Shepard’s fish.

            “Okay. Maybe the fish comment was a little harsh…”

            “No. No. Father, its fine. I just remembered something that I forgot to do.”

            “Is it important?”

            Liara sighed, remembering all the times Shepard had snuck ‘replacements’ back onto the Normandy.

            “ _I know I said we would have lots of little blue babies. But, Liara, I can’t even keep fish alive,” Shepard’s voice held an edge of panic as she ‘buried’ another one ‘at sea’.  Whatever that meant.  Liara hadn’t been able to keep the smile off her face as the sound of the toilet flushing echoed in the cabin._

_“Mm, I could see where that would be concerning-”Liara started, but trailed off when Shepard came down the steps dressed in nothing but her compression shorts and a tight, contouring undershirt._

_Shepard arched an eyebrow, a gesture for her to continue. “Concerning?”_

_“Uh, yes. It would be concerning if all asari children were birthed and raised in a tank and fed small pellets of… whatever it is you don’t feed your fish.”_

_“Are you telling me, your people aren't amphibious?” Shepard teased, climbing back into bed and deftly rolling on top of her._

_“I can assure you that's a myth,” Liara purred as Shepard’s lips brushed and nipped at her own._

_“Is it? I feel so ignorant. Tell me, Doctor-” She felt Shepard adjust her weight so that the Commander’s frame pushed her legs apart and settled, lightly, against her sex. “Are there any other myths you would care to dispel or,” Shepard rolled her hips, pressing against Liara’s clit, “Encourage?”_

            “Liara?”

             The heat of the memory and her Father's voice, the equivalent to cold water, jarred her back to the present.

            “Sorry,” she cleared her throat. “I was… distracted.”

            “Are you alright? Maybe you should come back to Thessia for a while. To clear your head and, well, we could use your help-”

            “Yes.” Liara stated simply.

            “Really? I thought that was going to be harder.”

            “It’s actually the reason why I contacted you. I wanted to know if the Republics have heard anything concerning the humans.”

            There was silence. Liara knew that her father was not a fool.

            “What sorts of things?” Aethyta asked cautiously.

            “Oh, I don’t know. Has there been any problems between the two governments? Does anything seem abnormal? Has cooperation been strained?”

            “Little Wing. They are humans. Who knows what is ‘abnormal’ for them. But now that you mention it – there have been some incidents involving the Sixth Fleet and two unfortunate ‘accidents’ involving Armali snipers.”

            “I see. Could you send me those reports?...Father?”

            “What’s going on Liara?”

            She sighed and rubbed the bridge of her nose. “It’s complicated and I’m not at liberty to discuss it right now. But, rest assured; we will talk when I get back to Thessia.”

            Aethyta let out a long breath, “All right. On the condition that you explain as soon as you get back.” The emphasis on the word was enough to reassure Liara that Aethyta understood the dynamic of her situation.

            “Thank you,” she breathed. “One more thing…”

            “Yes?” Aethyta asked wearily.

            “I will need a Writ of Sanctuary,” she said, quietly cringing as she waited for the response. This silence was almost deafening.

            “Are you sure? How much trouble are you in?” Finally, Aethyta spoke, trying hard to keep the worry out of her voice. Liara wished that her father would quit asking questions.

            “None…yet,” she replied.

            “Damn it, Liara…” A heavy sigh, “I’ll set it up.”

            A mixed sense of relief and anxious dread flooded her. It was no small thing to ask of Aethyta; but thankfully, her father would do anything for her. “Again, thank you.”

            “You might want to hold on to the gratitude until we see what becomes of … whatever you are planning,” her father said darkly. Liara could say nothing. Writs were not often called. In fact, the Writ of Sanctuary dated back to the heyday of the Justicars. It was an ancient rite that was nearing the point of extinction.

            “Liara, do you still have that star chart I gave you? You know the one that everyone laughed their blue asses off at?” Aethyta spoke, her tone lightening a bit.

            “The relay network? Yes.”

            “Good. Then you have no reason to not check out your old man’s handiwork on the way back to Thessia. They don’t all connect yet but it’ll be faster than FTL the whole way.”

            Tears of love suddenly sprang into her eyes. Her father was giving her a safe way home. The Matriarchs had finally listened to her idea and had begun building their own independent relays.

            “Of course, I wouldn’t miss it for the universe. Thanks, Daddy.”

***

            Liara’s eyes snapped towards the door as the announcement chime went off. Traynor had business to attend to concerning her discharge and even as such, she had the digital key to the door.  No one else would have reason to come to the room.

           Standing, she grabbed her Arc pistol from her belongings. Quietly, she made her way over to the vid screen on the wall beside the door. With a touch, it came to life.

           She could make out an environmental suit but the resolution on the screen made it difficult to make out any details. Alert to the fact that she had just finished dealing with a less than reputable Quarian, it crossed her mind that it wouldn’t be the first stupidly planned assassination attempt she had to put down. There’s only one way to find out…

           As the door slid open, both parties snapped their pistols level with one another's face. Liara’s narrowed eyes never left her quarry. She tightened her grip on her pistol.

            “It occurs to me,” she spoke evenly, “That if you were making faces at me; I would never know.”

            “And I would never tell you, Shadow Broker.” Tali’s tone was deadly, but the mirth was evident.

            Liara stepped aside and let Tali inside.

            “Not that I’m not happy to see you. You are a most welcomed sight. But, what are you doing here?” she asked.

            “It was the strangest thing.  I was having dinner with my cousin Yur’le a few cycles ago when he stupidly started bragging about how he sold a ship to the Shadow Broker.”

           “He really just announced that?” Liara balked.

           “Yes, well, Yur’le was always slower than the rest of us,” Tali replied with a wave of her hand and walked towards the bar that lined one side of the room. She picked up a bottle full of purple liquid and perused the label. “Being an admiral and responsible for those under my command. I took it upon myself to ensure that the ship was delivered, personally, to the Shadow Broker. We Quarians have no need of such powerful enemies,” She set the bottle back down, “I have no idea what that is but it looks delicious.”

            Liara couldn’t help the smile on her face as she watched Tali play at being respectable. She folded her arms over her chest.

            “Your cousin is under your command?”

            Tali snorted, picking up another bottle. “But of course, I’m older.”

            “Did you come all the way here to tell me about your cousin?” Liara pressed. Tali set the bottle down and sighed, leaning her back against the bar.

            “No. I came to talk to you about Shepard.”

             Liara tensed. She couldn’t help it. The mention of her absent bondmate brought all the worry, anger and helplessness flooding back. It was a cruel thing. Ever since she had found out that Shepard lived but was beyond her reach, she spent every waking minute trying not to think about her. It was dizzying trying to plan for, but yet not think of, Shepard.

             “What about her?” She asked her throat dry.

             “She’s alive, yes? You said as much before…” Tali trailed off.

              Liara nodded and took a deep breath. “Yes, for the moment. I don’t know.”

             “What do you mean? What is it?”

             She started pacing the length of the room. The comforting habit was starting to wear a hole in the floor.

             How could she explain it? She feared that the Alliance was suddenly veering down a dark path towards the ideals of Cerberus. She was scared that, again, Shepard was some sort of pawn to whatever twisted purpose the powers that be were plotting now. How she wanted to tear through every human that stood between her and her bondmate. And it was that singular desire alone that was fueling a half-cocked plan that could very well turn into an intergalactic incident and start a war between the asari and humanity.

             Unable to say anything for the emotions raging through her, Liara choked back a sob and looked desperately at the Quarian.

             “Keelah,” Tali breathed. She was at her friend’s side, “Tell me everything.”

***


	5. Cyclical

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have to see if you are awake ... By the by this was all written in 2015

      “If you ever do that again-! I swear by all that is holy- I don’t care if you are a biotic! I will rip your hands off and punch you in the face with them!”

       Liara looked up, from the latest Migrant Fleet security report, in time to see Jack sauntering in after a red faced Traynor.

      “I’d like to see you try, Kitten.”

       Traynor spun around, “Really? Kitten? Why, you.. sociopathic bitch!”

      “-Don’t pretend like you didn’t like it,” Jack smirked.

      “Are you serious? So, because I like women, that means I want to get felt up by every grunting, surly tattooed marine with a homicidal streak?” she demanded.

      “I didn’t hear a ‘no’ in any of that.”

       Traynor threw her hands up in the air as she spun on her heel. “I give up. Liara, I found that,” she jerked a thumb in Jack’s direction. “Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’ll be scalding the first five layers of my skin off.”

      “Make sure that’s all you’re doing,” Jack called after her.

       The response came in the form of a middle finger held up as Traynor walked away.

       “Do I want to know?” she asked as the human biotic dropped onto the opposite couch.

       “Don’t let her fool you. She’s happy I saved her.”

        Liara shared a look with Tali.

        “I don’t remember anyone that Shepard ever saved using the words "rip your hands off" or "punch you in the face" when they were expressing their gratitude, do you?” Tali asked.

        “Nothing comes to mind.”

        “Whatever! It was the best I could come up at the moment.”

          _She had watched the two plain-clothes Alliance officers tail Traynor from the Normandy to a secure depot on the private docks. The woman was oblivious and obviously nervous as she pushed anti-gravity sled towards a nondescript storage container. Jack saw the officers’ hands start towards their weapons; Traynor was still unaware…_

_“Hey boys, there something I can help you with? Or are you more interested my girl over there?” she drawled, stepping from the shadows and raking her eyes over the Alliance muscle._

_Her sudden appearance on the scene had its intended effect and the officers hesitated, unsure of what to do. She just hoped the ploy would work long enough for her to put herself between Traynor and the guns. Putting a bit of swing into her swagger, the biotic locked eyes with the now terrified specialist and tried to convey her plan. **How the fuck does Shepard do this?**_

_She kept her pace even past the officers, until she was face to face with the cornered woman. Without warning she crushed her lips to Traynor’s, grinning into the kiss when she both heard and felt the grunt of surprise. She pulled back as fiercely as she had begun; “Miss me?”_

_Eyes wide, Traynor’s shaking fingers went to her reddening lips. “Jack. I- yes…No!”_

_“Aw, baby. No need to be shy,” Her voice dripped with saccharine and sanguine. She ran a hand suggestively down Traynor’s side._

_“I know you want me to give it to you good. And I will, just as soon as-” her hand flew from Traynor's hip; sending a shock wave with it, that sent the officers flying violently in opposite directions, “I give it to them,” she purred._

         “You kissed her?!” Liara and Tali exclaimed in unison.

          “Is that all you fucking got out of this story?” Jack demanded, a rare blush coloring her neck. “Nothing else grabbed your attention? Like the Alliance trailing your girl?”

          “I admit. That is rather concerning-” Liara began.

          “-But it isn’t nearly as disturbing as you kissing Traynor,” Tali finished.

          “Did you find out anything about Shepard?” Liara cut back in as Jack shot a look, that promised death, towards the Quarian.

          “Yeah,” Jack replied, dragging her eyes towards the asari. “Turns out the other cheerleader-turned-doc, has her manicured hands on Shep.”

          “Lawson,” A jealous anger roiled through her chest.

           She had only really dealt twice with the ex-Cerberus operative. The first time, she had ripped her own heart out and handed it over with Shepard’s body to the stunning woman. The second on Horizon, when Shepard had virtually dropped the entire war effort against the Reapers and run off to save Lawson and her sister. There had been something in the way the Doctor looked at Shepard, hadn’t there?

           Liara shook the thoughts from her head. It didn’t matter. She was a hard sell on the idea of coincidence and the fact that Shepard was once again at the mercy of that woman proved it. The dark energy of her biotics curled around her clenched fists, “I’m going to tear her apart.”

          “Whoa! Slow down, Doc. I’m no friend of bitch bag, but she’s got Shepard’s back,” Jack spread her hands.

            _It’s not Shepard’s back I’m concerned about._ Her biotics burned brighter.

           “She told me to give you a message.” Jack continued, “Said that some bitch named Shiala says ‘Hey’ or what the fuck ever.”

           “Shiala?” The energy dissipated at the name of the commando from Zhu’s Hope. Why would Miranda bring her up? She hadn’t been there when Shiala had given the cipher… Goddess.

           “Did you actually see Shepard?” Liara asked, moving to sit next to Jack, who nodded with eyes adverted at the recollection.

           “Jack, look at me.” When their gazes finally met, Liara grabbed her roughly by the back of the head; “Embrace eternity.”

            She plunged into Subject Zero’s mind. It was not the gentle meld she used with Shepard. It was abrupt. Forceful. Their conversation had kept the memory she wanted at the surface. She didn’t have to look far, for which she was grateful, because a dark river of pain and abandonment continually churned on the peripheral of Jack’s consciousness.

              _“ **Pay attention-** ”_

_Loss. Worry. Guilt. She had gotten to Shepard in time, right? Tell me I got there in time bitch._

_Shepard in a tank full of something red…Blood?! Jack’s panic triggered hers and her focus slipped for a moment. “…I can’t even keep fish alive.”_

_“ **The Commander suffered second to third degree burns over thirty percent of her body. Internal injuries are severe but not grievous. She suffered from dehydration, blood loss, shock and sepsis…** ”_

_The data pad full of Miranda’s findings. Shepard’s vitals, a rendering of her implant locations. What did that matter?_

_“ **I suspect it has something to do with her biotics-”** She activated a switch._

_Shepard . Naked... Broken… Skin mottled... Alive._

             It was all she needed to see. She extracted herself carefully but not before gently laying a few neutral memories of comfort to the jagged edges of Jack’s own, in hopes the young biotic would forgive her for such an invasion.

             She blinked and Jack’s furious features came into focus.

             “What the fuck was that?!” she demanded, pushing Liara back as she stood up.

             “I’m sorry. I know how intrusive that was-” she began. Jack closed the distance.

             “Intrusive?” She snarled, nose to nose with her. “Bitch. I should kill you.”

             “Then you understand how Samantha felt,” she replied evenly.

              Subject Zero opened her mouth and then shut it. A look of realization passed over her features and the anger dissipated, “Shit.”

             “Like I said, I’m sorry, but would you have said ‘yes’ if I had asked?”

              Jack straightened and walked over to the bar. “Fuck, no.”

             “I stand by my decision then," she rested.

             “Well, now that you’ve seen lover girl, what’s our plan?” She grabbed a bottle and a glass.

              “Our plan?” Liara intoned as Tali wordlessly got up and moved to standby Jack.

              “Did I fucking stutter? Yes. Our plan,” she replied, glaring amiably at the Quarian before reaching for another glass. “Traynor let it spill about your ship while cursing my name and everything else."

               Liara groaned and rubbed her temples, “Can’t anyone keep a secret?”

               “Seriously Shadow Broker? Your empire is built on poorly kept secrets.” Tali joined in good-naturedly as she picked up a straw and dropped it into the full glass Jack slid to her.

               Leaning back, she sighed. “This is true. I take it you haven’t told the Alliance that you are going to be leaving them?”

              “No,” Jack snorted.

              “How would you feel about tenuring your resignation by kidnapping Shepard?”

              The psychotic biotic slammed her empty glass down with an easy smile, “I thought you would never ask.”

***


	6. Ex Parte: Shepard

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \- Man, I am having fun playing...
> 
> -This chapter is a bit shorter but I feel as though I'm spoiling you all a bit. But that's okay - encouragement begets performance with me.
> 
> \- See if you think about it, Miranda and Liara are comparable characters. Both smart, both biotics, both beautiful. It's like BioWare wanted to see who was xenophobic. I jest, but when you look at it on its face, you can see it. So, that said it would stand to reason that there would be some unspoken competition between them. Remember, Liara is still barely an adult...at 109.
> 
> And there you have it, dear reader.
> 
> I certainly hope you enjoyed this feat of dexterity. Bringing three strong women into a room can go easily wrong. Hopefully, both of my hands and quick tongue did not leave anyone wanting...or confused. If such a thing happened, I will happily devout personal attention to you in hopes of making amends.
> 
> Thank you again, friend.
> 
> ANNND more notes:
> 
> Dear Reader,
> 
> Before you read, I would like to inform you that the story is about to stray a bit over into Male Shepard canon. Remember how I told you that I thought ME2 romance options were abysmal? Yes, well, I still feel that way. I am an achievement gamer (Ha Ha, what can I say? You are offering me a challenge and a trophy. I couldn't say no.) which means at some point I had to make a decision as to who to romance for the "Paramour" Achievement. Well, I kept save/playing and made my way through Tali, Jack and Miranda. It was interesting. However, the romance dialogue with Miranda made me actually sympathize with her.
> 
> Yes, there is a tender heart that beats under that cold exterior. Ugh, I know. I'm such a stupid romantic. Tell anyone and I will deny it completely. The image of a bleeding heart sailor, waxing poetic and loving the unlovable, isn't the one that I like to share. However, I digress...
> 
> Another issue I had with ME2 was the whole Illium/Liara story line. Yeah, I know, after the DLC and the awesome dialogue and subsequent "make up" scene with Liara; I was only slightly mollified in Liara's cold shoulder rejection of Shepard.
> 
> "I know I tracked down your body and handed it over to Cerberus and that they brought you back from the dead but hey, we're two different people now so...wanna hack a few terminals for me? It's not that I need your help, I just can't trust anyone else and I am just sooo swamped threatening people. I know you're off to save the galaxy and could use my help, but all my attention is on this drell named Feron..." - 
> 
> (What Liara really said on Illium)
> 
> I'm an Aries. Turns out Shepard is an Aries. If someone had legitimately said that to an Aries. Said Aries would have flipped them off and found the nearest warm body to lick and lick their wounds on. Yeah...we don't take rejection well. But who does really? So, I played the male Shepard arc and decided that Miranda would be the one Shepard would run to. Why? Because as we've discussed before - Miranda is Liara's human equivalent. In that context, Miranda always struck me as the type who chooses a lover based on character and not gender. I mean, if we are going to abide by the thinly veiled comparison - let's do it the whole way.
> 
> Anyhow, with the DLC, Liara brings up whatever romance option Shepard has taken and asks about it. Shepard can either tell Liara that she is the only one for them or break it off. If, Shepard does the former, then Liara apparently drops the whole thing and the Shep/T'Soni canon relationship continues, non pulsed.
> 
> With that said, I'm ironing out the kinks that I took issue with in the romance fiasco in ME2. So, it's still canon just not canon exclusive to male/female Shepard. With that said... I don't normally do this - but I will leave it up to a general consensus as to whether or not we venture down this rabbit hole again. So, feedback is definitely welcome.
> 
> Ah, there, without further ado... Enjoy.
> 
> Disclaimer Ch. 1...

            Miranda had ordered the Commander removed from the repairative bath after forty-eight hours. The swirling, web like pattern hadn’t spread, thankfully, but it had darkened until it was the color of asari blood. Strangely, it wasn’t all together unattractive. If it weren’t for the fact that she had no idea what was causing it, and also that it might be killing her patient, she would have described it as exotic; a complement to the remarkable woman who bore them.

            “ _My father got me the best genes money could buy. Guess it wasn’t enough.” She voiced her fears, unable to look at Shepard. Instead, she consigned herself to watching the stars fly past the Normandy._

_“You always bring up your genetic tailoring. It really bothers you, doesn’t it?” She heard Shepard get up from the couch and walk towards where she stood. Miranda sighed._

_“This is what I am, Shepard, I can’t hide it. The intelligence, the looks, even the biotics…he paid for all of that. Every one of your accomplishments is due to your skill. The only things I can take credit for are my mistakes,” she finished bitterly._

_“Wait a minute. Are you…jealous?”_

_**What?!**_

_She spun around to face Shepard, “Don’t be absurd.”_

_“The genetic mutt the Illusive Man put in charge? That must sting,” Shepard stepped closer, her tone goading._

_“First, it’s not a competition. Second, based on your combat record, you’re practically a perfect bloody specimen.” she retorted, with a quick sweeping gesture at Shepard’s pristine physique._

_Shepard stood arms crossed, a knowing smile playing at the corner of her lips. Miranda cursed herself for being baited into making such a spontaneous admission. The brief silence seemed like an eternity. Finally, Shepard spoke unfolding her arms and taking yet another step towards her._

_“Perfect human specimen, huh?”_

_A warm thrill rushed from low in her belly, into her chest. She leaned back on one hip, refusing to give ground in an unspoken skirmish for dominance, that had taken a distinctively sexual turn. And, of course it had. Historically, a woman’s greatest weapon was her sex. Whether the giving of or denying it. It was a tried and true battlefield as any other. The fact that her father had wanted a daughter, and not a son, was not lost on her._

_“Don’t get cocky. I’m the one who put you back together, remember? And I do damn good work,” she replied, moving closer to Shepard._

_“You certainly do.”_

_She hadn’t expected Shepard to taste so good or her lips to be so skilled and soft. Miranda’s guard waivered as she felt herself being pulled close. She ran her hands down the back of Shepard’s neck, her arm; it didn’t feel like a power play..._

_“What the hell was that?” she asked quietly pushing away and touching the side of her cheek where Shepard’s hand had been only moments before. To her credit, Shepard said nothing, it seemed she understand the question had not been meant for her. However, the Commander was so maddeningly cool about the whole thing, she began to panic._

_“Okay, this doesn’t mean anything. We just…God, I need to think. I need-” she stopped. She had to go. Shepard had thrown her off and now she was rambling like a school girl. Composing herself the best she could she brushed past Shepard, “I’ll talk to you later.”_

_She caught a glimpse of an adorable, self-satisfied smirk on Shepard’s face._

_“And stop smiling, damn it!”_

          A sense of loss pulled Miranda from the memory. She would never know what might have been between her and Shepard. After they had returned from the Omega 4 relay; in a despicable move that revealed the extent of the Illusive Man’s manipulations, he had sent Shepard the location of the Shadow Broker’s base. The rest was history, as they say.

          “Doctor Lawson,” her assistant’s nervous voice broke into her thoughts.

          “Yes?”

          “Uh, Captain Nought is here. She says that you wanted to see her…I don’t have her down for an appointment.” In the background, she could hear Subject Zero graphically expressing what the corpsman could do with the appointment VI.

          _Now what?_  Miranda sighed, “Send her in.”

          The door slid open and the lithe biotic strutted in. She had to hand it to her. The painted freak knew how to make an entrance.

          “Jack-”

          “Save it, whore. I’m here for Shepard.”

          “Over my dead body,” she panned.

           Jack’s biotics flared, “With pleasure.”

          “Moving her might kill her. I’ve induced coma, slowed her immune system. Taking her off the system, waking her up – might metastasize whatever is happening to her,” she hastened to explain.

          “That’s a chance I’m willing to take,” Subject Zero spat.

          “Oh, come on! Even you can’t be that stupid! What part of ‘it might kill her’ does your addled little brain fail to comprehend?!”

          “The part where some dumb broad thinks I’m going to turn around and leave my friend in the hands of a ‘humans-only’ hooker and her new handlers,” she snarled.

          “What?” Miranda demanded, genuinely surprised at the accusation.

          “Does that shit really work? The clueless cunt act…does it really work?” Jack’s mocking look tweaked a nerve. Miranda’s own biotics flared, sending a thousand points of pain along her nervous system.

          “You can’t tell me you haven’t smelt all the shit the Alliance has been spewing. You’re standing fucking knee deep in it,” she said, thrusting a hand towards the bed in which Shepard lay.

          Miranda’s eyes involuntarily followed the direction of Jack’s hand, falling on Shepard’s motionless body. She couldn’t deny it. She had read every fleet wide transmission for the last week. She had listened to Hackett carry on about how Shepard could help “one last time”. Without the brainwashing of military service, it was easy to see the bigotry.

           Jack shoved past her. It was clear she was done talking. She stalked up to the terminal regulating Shepard’s vitals. Her eyes scanned the interface, clearly unsure as to where to begin.

           “Hey, bitch-”

            The sound of a thermal clip locking into place and the feel of cold steel on the back of her head, silenced the angry biotic.

            “If you touch anything on that VI,” Miranda pressed the barrel harder against Jack’s skull, “I will blow your fucking head off.”

             Jack snorted and stepped back.

            “I take it T’Soni sent you,” the ex-Cerberus operative lowered her weapon but kept it at the ready.

            “I’m not telling you shit.”

            “Please. You didn’t come in here biotics blazing, ripping Alliance medical a new asshole. Which means someone smarter than you came up with this idea and there is only one person with balls big enough to start a war over Shepard.”

            “Then I’m sure she wouldn’t lose any sleep if you were the first casualty,” Jack growled, crossing her arms over her chest.

             “No. I don’t suppose she would,” she said, a cynical smirk ghosting over her lips. “But that doesn’t change the fact that Shepard needs medical observation and care. Are you going to provide that Jack? Or, is she?”

             She watched in smug satisfaction as the dangerous biotic tried to cobble together an argument. After a few moments of watching Jack suffer at a loss, she spoke simply: “Shepard needs me. I’m coming with you.”

              Furious and defeated, Jack put her fist through a table.

***

            Tucked away behind three large shipping containers, Liara watched the dock security feed on her Omni-tool. Jack was supposed to have gone in, retrieved Shepard and rendezvoused with her outside. The only part of that plan that had successfully been executed thus far was the part where Jack had gone aboard the ship… and that had been thirty minutes ago. Something must have gone wrong.

            As in confirmation; a massive biotic blast ripped a chunk of bulkhead from the hospital ship's hull. It flipped end over end and skidded to a stop not far from where Liara hunkered behind cover. As alarms roared to life, she could hear shouts, weapons fire and screaming as the fighting spilled out of the ship and onto the dock.

            “I will kill you all!” Jack’s enraged battle cry lifted above the chaos.

            Rounds whizzed by and ricocheted off of containers. She waited until she heard the distinctive thrum of a shock-wave before poking her head around to assess the situation.

            Through the smoke and dust, she could see Jack gleefully throwing one attack after another at the beleaguered Alliance personnel. In front of her, she saw Miranda Lawson struggling with an unconscious Shepard. The biotic barrier Lawson had deployed was starting to fail and she stumbled as a bullet grazed her shoulder.

            Liara was on her feet, sprinting towards Miranda and the Commander. Dodging, weaving through bullets and debris, she hurled a singularity at the hull breech. She hoped it would hold back reinforcements long enough for them to escape to the maintenance elevator. She gracefully skidded and ducked under Shepard’s unoccupied arm and hefted most of her bond mate’s weight from the injured ex-Cerberus officer.

            “Are you alright, Dr. Lawson?” Liara asked evenly, as she effectively dragged them towards the elevator.

            “I’ve been better.”

             She glanced at Miranda, concern overpowering any other feelings she might have had for the human biotic. She was pale and shaking. Her features etched in pain. “I’m sure you haven’t heard this often but- you look like shit.”

            “Coming from you,” Miranda replied through clenched teeth. “I’ll take that as a compliment.”

             There was another explosion followed by Jack’s maniacal laughter.

             “I see you got my message,” Miranda grunted, jerking her head back in the direction of Subject Zero’s destruction.

             “Indeed, and you got my invitation,” Liara replied steering them around a corner and down a ramp towards the elevator.

             “Invitation?” Another thrum of Subject Zero’s biotics was punctuated by the terrified scream of a man falling to his death. Realization struck Miranda, “I see. How did you know?”

              “As loyal as she is, I wouldn’t let Jack abscond with Shepard,” Liara glanced sideways, “I knew you wouldn’t either.”

              “Touché, T’Soni.” Miranda grimaced, “Now, what?”

               A door opened off to their right and more security personnel descended on the docks.

              “We get the hell out of here,” Liara replied.

***


	7. Of Grace & Gore

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ah! Dear Reader,
> 
> I would like to begin with apologizing for how short this chapter is...  
> I wanted to get it right.
> 
> I felt so bad for invoking feelings of betrayal in some readers that I felt the overwhelming urge to kiss it and make it better. So, there is some "fluff", obsequiously, written in here. I also wanted to try to convey a very unique thing that happens in deadly situations. I was a Master at Arms, in the Navy. Not to get to far into the mundane, there were times in my service that the whole, 'guns blazing, bullets flying' thing happened. And yes, your brain slows time - I wanted to try and convey that.
> 
> Anyhow, fret not, I'll get you off the cliff in a minute... until then-
> 
> Enjoy the view....
> 
> Disclaimer Ch. 1 -

            _“ **The intelligence has one purpose: preservation of life. That purpose has not been fulfilled.** ”_

             _She had stopped listening. Stopped speaking. Stopped trying to understand. All the voices had become one, resonating baritone that spoke from the darkness._

_“ **Bull shit. I fixed your mistake. You sanctimonious prick.** ”_

_**“No.”** The abyss swirled, spinning in a sickening fashion, folding in upon itself and expanding as quickly outwards. “ **You destroyed form, not function. Its purpose continues. You are an anomaly. You survived. You will serve our needs.”**_

_Her implants started to heat up. White hot tendrils radiated from each one. Her bones felt brittle and her muscles protested in burning agony. She desperately sought death, again. Instead, she felt her being torn apart and hurdled towards a place in which all she knew was anguish._

_“ **Ascend the Apex.** ”_

            _A tormented, visceral scream, wrenched itself from her lungs._

***

            They were outnumbered.

            “If this keeps up-” Jack popped up from behind the battered retaining wall they were using for cover, just long enough to launch a biotic pull into the platoon of marines that stood between them and the Opolyon, before dropping back down. “We’re not going to make it.”

            “I hate to agree with crazy,” Miranda grunted, blind firing a few rounds one-handed. “But she’s right. We’re nearly out of thermal clips.”

            The distinctive whine of a battle mech cut over the clamor of the fight. Three sets of eyes widened and went in the direction of the sound.

            “Bitch. Don’t ever fucking agree with me again.”

            “Down!” Liara shouted, using her body to shield her bond mate.

                   The rocket went wide.

                        Liara closed her eyes.

                             The explosion came.

                                      Shepard screamed.

            Liara scrambled backwards, terrified, her gaze running over her bond mate looking for new injuries. She didn’t see anything except the troubling marks from her biotics. Shepard’s inhumane cry continued on unabated. Against the sick staccato of battle, the sound was horrifying.

           “What the fuck?! Make her stop!” Jack yelled, laying down cover fire.

            She looked at Miranda, who appeared a shade paler than she had a few moments before. Miranda’s fearful eyes told her all she needed to know. The human didn’t have a clue.

            “She should still be comatose,” Lawson grimaced in pain. “Of course, Shepard has always had this problem.”

            “Problem?” she asked, as the human doctor fired off another round.

            “You know, waking up when she’s not supposed to.”

            She thought she saw the specter of a smile on Miranda’s lips.  Liara narrowed her eyes, “No. I do not know.”

            Before Lawson could say anything else, the Commander fell silent. Fear gripped Liara’s heart. She pressed a shaking hand to her bond mate’s very still chest. Shepard’s eyes snapped open.

            _Goddess_! Gone was the color that she loved so much, replaced by the unnatural luminesce of biotic energy.

           “Shepard?” she whispered.

            The Commander stood with speed that shouldn’t have been possible. The thin medical scrubs offering no protection against Alliance ammunition that flew around her.

            “Shepard!” she screamed, a vision of her lover being torn to shreds by a barrage of bullets, driving her terror higher.

            The air around them ionized. She could feel the strange tingle of time and space being shifted. Suddenly, she felt a pull on her own biotics. As if something was drawing the energy from her…  _Shepard_! Brilliant light blazed from Shepard’s biotics a second before she was gone.

            Liara didn’t see the biotic charge, so much as heard when it broke the sound barrier. A collective cry of surprise and death swelled and was cut off with the deafening blast of a nova.

            Time still crawled as she stood. She noted that her companions had their hands to their ears, in obvious pain. This was of no concern, as her eyes found the sole reason for sight:   At the center of a biotic scorch mark, under a fine red-mist of gore; stood, chest-heaving, her own angel of death. The light coming from her body, under the anointing of blood, gave Shepard the unholy appearance of a husk.   _No!_

                         Liara stepped forward.

                                Shepard collapsed.

                                           Time returned.

           Liara was at her side.  Omni-tool activated, Lawson was only seconds behind. Followed by Jack, who, danger past for the moment was surveying the damage whilst wiggling a finger in her ear.

            “What the fuck was that?” She laughed and kicked a piece of mech over to reveal a pile of bodies that had escaped disintegration. “Way to go Shep!”

            “Shut up Jack!” It was unanimously said.

            “Whoa! Retract the claws ladies. Shepard is in one piece. Which means there is enough of her to go around. Damn!” She drew in a pleasurable breath. “Bitch is a panty dropper.”

            She was rebuked with a twin glares.

            “What? Cheerleaders need only apply?” Jack threw her hands down, “Fuck this shit.”

            Liara turned to Miranda.

            “She’s alive,” the doctor answered her unasked question. “But, that might change if we don’t get the hell out of here.”

            “Agreed.” Liara keyed her com, “Tali-”

            “Liara! Keelah! Are you okay?! We felt the blast from inside the ship! What happened?”

           “No time to explain. Get ready, we’re leaving.   Be there in two.” Liara said as she and Jack lifted Shepard between them.

 

***

           Miranda moaned slightly in her sleep as she rolled to her side. Liara silently wished her a good rest from her position beside Shepard’s bed. She certainly had earned it:

            _Shepard had started to seize before they could even get her on the exam table. Eyes rolled in the back, her muscles rigid; the wet, gurgling sounds as her lover had struggled to breathe had scared Liara beyond reason._

            _“Hold her!” Miranda ordered, grabbing a compression syringe from the crash kit. Liara and Jack had both struggled to keep a thrashing Shepard from throwing herself off the table. Her lover’s lean frame held greater strength that she remembered._

            _Lawson yanked the cap of the syringe off with her teeth and spit it to the side. With one hand, and practiced skill, she hooked a finger in a tear on the thigh of Shepard’s scrubs ripping the hole larger before stabbing the needle into the muscle; the drug delivered with a hiss of air._

            _…And for a few precious minutes, Shepard’s body fell still under the effect of the human medicine._

_“Help me,” Miranda said. Liara could hear the plea that came from a place of more than Hippocratic concern._

            _Together, they worked quickly to divest Shepard of the ruined scrubs and wash the blood of her compatriots off of her._

            _“This isn’t good,” Miranda muttered, her eyes professionally roving over Shepard’s naked body._

           _“What?” Liara asked._

            _“These.” She said, pointing at the discoloration from Shepard’s biotics, “They’ve grown.”_

_Before Liara could even voice the question on her lips, Shepard began to seize again_.

            _“That’s not fucking possible!” Miranda swore. The biotic looked at her with panic in her eyes. “If I give her anymore drugs, it will kill her.”_

_Liara did the only thing she could think of…she put Shepard in a stasis field._

***

 


	8. Secrets Kept

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All right,
> 
> Not much to say except-
> 
> You all thought it when you played through...admit it. Perhaps, even, wished for it? Hm? Tell me your dreams... ;)
> 
> Enjoy! Feedback welcomed - even encouraged. It helps with the creative process

  There was silence.

            Not the infernal kind that resulted from thousands of voices but the blessed noise of one soul existing within a moment. Shepard took a deep breath... and regretted it. She felt a warm hand press gently on her chest as the coughing spasms wracked her already tortured frame. When the fit subsided, she felt the hand begin to lift. She caught it, blindly, with her own.

            “You can leave it there. I really don’t mind,” she said hoarsely. She cleared her throat, trying to rid herself of a voice that sound like it had been pureed in a meat grinder. “Wow, I sound like shit.”

            When no response came, she cracked open an eye to see a pair of watery blue ones looking at her with a cross of love and disbelief.

            “Goddess! Shepard!”

            Liara’s lips were even more heavenly then she remembered. The soft skin, the gentle insistence as they pressed, nipped and danced across Shepard’s. She tasted like the air during summer’s storm. Her kiss whispered all the promises that remained unspoken between them. A lazy smile settled on Shepard’s lips when Liara gently pulled away.

            “So worth it,” she murmured, relishing the feeling.

            “What was?” Liara asked her voice held a slight tremor.

            “Whatever I did to deserve that.”

            “Well. You did destroy the Reapers, saved the galaxy and nearly died. I figured some sort of payment was in order.”

            “Oh? So the first time I did that and died, I might add, it wasn’t good enough for you?”

            Liara slapped her arm with a disapproving look, but a slight smile came soon after. “I had to make sure the first time wasn’t a fluke. I only accept the best.”

            “Indeed,” Shepard invoked her lover’s favorite term which earned her another soul sweeping kiss.

            “Ugh. Get a room,” Jack’s voice cut in.

            “We had one. You walked into it.” Shepard pointed out, licking her lips.

            “Fucking legalities,” Subject Zero said dismissively. “How ya’ feeling? You look like smacked ass.”

            “Eloquently put. That’s exactly how I feel,” Shepard chuckled and then grimaced.

            “Considering what you lived through- I wouldn’t expect anything less.”

            “Miranda?” Shepard looked at her bewildered, “What are you doing here? Better question, where’s here? What happened?”

             Lawson and Liara exchanged a worried look. Jack, though, was grinning like a cat with a canary. “We’re fugitives, man, flying under the colors of your pirate queen!”

             “Liara?” She asked, her lover's name hanging heavy in the air. Her eyes did not leave Jack, “What is she talking about?”

 

 

***

            “I did what?!”

            “Shepard, please calm down,” Liara pleaded. Sometime, during the course of her and Miranda’s briefing, Shepard had managed to get off the exam table and start pacing, albeit, with difficulty.  _I must be wearing off on her._

            “Calm down? Calm down?! You just told me I killed my own people! I massacred an entire platoon! And you want me to calm down?!”

            Shepard’s biotics rippled over her body. The color was darker than normal. Liara said nothing only glanced at Miranda, who had noticed it as well.

            “She’s right, you know.” Miranda said. “We have no idea what’s going on with you or your biotics. You need to stay cool. Commander, look.”

            Shepard held out her hands in front of her, a look of shock adding itself to the grief already painted across her features. She clenched her fists and forced her biotics down. Liara’s heart broke for her bond mate. She wondered, fleetingly, if they would ever find peace. And, even if they did, would the ghosts of Shepard’s past haunt her forever?

            The Commander continued to pace; pain, frustration and anger rolling off of her in waves.

            “Listen. I’ll be back to check on you,” Miranda said, politely excusing herself and herding Jack out the door. Silently, she thanked the goddess that the woman had a remarkable ability to read a situation. She watched Shepard prowl the small medical bay for a few more moments.

            “Shepard?”

            There was no response except for a quick glance as she turned on her heel and continued the back-and-forth.

            “Shepard,” she said again, this time standing directly in her bond mate’s path. She placed her hands on her lover’s shoulders. “Do you remember what you told me the first time I ever went planet side with you?”

            “That you should really wear a breather helmet,” she muttered.

            “Other than that,” she replied with a smile.

            “‘Stay away from force fields.’”

            Liara laughed, even though she knew Shepard’s pain was expressed in humor. “You said that deadly force was authorized in self-defense…”

            “…and defense of others…yeah, yeah. I know.” 

            “If you know, then you should remember it.” She placed a gentle kiss to Shepard’s lips. “You could never be a murderer, love. You don’t have it in you. However, defying all odds to protect that which is yours; that, I know, is in you.”

            Shepard’s jaw worked against the emotion that threatened to engulf her. For a moment, Liara thought she might see the indomitable commander finally give in the torrent of unvoiced injustices and indignities; instead she pulled her into a tight hug, “I love you.”

            “And I, you.”

            “There’s just one thing, T’Soni,” Shepard said, pulling away, much to the asari’s discontent. She lifted an arm. “You didn’t, by chance, let Jack have at me with her tattoo gun?”

  
***

            She sighed as she entered her private quarters. She had been loathed to leave Shepard’s side but knew she couldn’t avoid reality any longer.

            “Liara. Your, dad…”She could hear Traynor struggling with the pronoun use juxtaposed against the reality of asari reproduction. “is on vid-com. She really wants to speak to you.”

            “Aethyta?” Shepard asked.

            “Yes,” She placed a quick kiss on her bond mate’s lips, before starting towards the door. “She is helping me…us, with something.”

            Shepard frowned in concern, not happy with her vague response. “Can I help?”

            “You already have.”

            “How?”

            She smiled, walking backwards, “You kept your promise.”

            She connected the link and her father’s concerned face popped into existence. “By the goddess, Liara! Are you alright? What happened?”

            “I’m fine, father. And whatever do you mean?”

            “Don’t play coy with me, young lady. You’re all over the extranet and galaxy news.”

            “I’ve been busy. I haven’t looked at the news.”

            “Then let me be the first to tell you that you have a bounty on your head that would buy the outer moons of Thessia.” Aethyta’s smile didn’t reach her eyes. “You wouldn’t by chance know what that’s about? Hmm?”

            Liara sighed and rubbed the bridge of her nose. “Shepard’s alive.”

            “For soothe,” her father mock gasped. “I could not have guessed that when the bounty is for kidnapping and murder. You are in a lot of trouble Little Wing. Don’t shut me out. Start at the beginning.”

            Aethyta’s tone took the argument out of her daughter. Taking a deep breath, she did as she was bade; leaving out only the part where Shepard was now her bond mate. She fell silent at the end, her memory going to the moment that it happened:

            _Shepard had opened herself up completely. Awash in eternity, Liara pulled Shepard close. The kiss lasted a thousand lifetimes. She touched, tasted and experienced every detail of her lover’s life and when she could no longer differentiate between herself and Shepard, she took that which she loved the most inside of her and merged it within._

           “Is that all?”

            “Huh?”

            “I said, is that all? Liara please pay attention. This is serious.” Her father looked exasperated.

            “Yes. Well…yes. There is nothing more. I have reason to believe that the Alliance was going to use Shepard and Subject Zero to try and fix what occurred with the human biotics. I couldn’t allow that to happen. Jack has spent most of her life being tortured by Cerberus and Shepard too fell into their hands.” Her voice caught. I gave her to Cerberus. I wasn’t going to give her to the Alliance. “What kind of monsters would we be if we sent them back into the same hell they fought out of?”

            “You’re asking if the good of the ‘few’ outweigh the needs of the ‘many’? That is a question for a justicar. Speaking of…the writ has been approved. The legislation wasn’t going to but given the circumstances you now face, they have said yes.”

            Liara breathed a sigh of relief. At least they wouldn’t be arrested the minute they landed on Thessia. “Thank you.”

            Aethyta snorted. “Don’t thank me yet. We’re going to have a lot to talk about when you get here. If you get here…Tell Shepard I say ‘Hello’.”

            That’s just one of the many things I have to tell her. “I will. I love you.”

            “Try to be good, Little Wing.”

            Her smile was dangerously sweet.  "I'm always good."

                                                                                             ***


	9. Interlude

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've noticed that I have been on a marathon with you.
> 
> And while I love to prove my prowess over and over, I am only human and I get tired after a week or so. I'm not as spry and resilient as I used to be.
> 
> With that said - this is very short.
> 
> I was in the middle of it and realized I need...something. Input, feed back, choose-your-own adventure... something. Feed the author. For she doesn't live on bread alone. I need you, my friend. Motivate me. With that said: I was never a pillow princess so here are your options (because I can go a few ways with this)
> 
> \- Either you get to see how sharp and fast I can be with my tongue.
> 
> ....or
> 
> \- You can see how I can make peace and love be the order of the day...
> 
> Your choice. In the meantime, I'm just going to lay back for a moment and stretch...
> 
> Enjoy...
> 
> ***

          She stared at herself in the mirror. She studied every dark violet line that ran over her skin and felt sick as the memory of the Illusive Man jumped to the forefront of her mind. The physiological changes that indoctrination had produced in him, the snaking tendrils that merged with the eerie illuminant glow of his eyes…

           Shepard shook the memory from her mind and returned to surveying her own body. Surely this wasn’t indoctrination? It couldn’t be…right? Saren, Benezia, the Illusive Man, they all thought… _No!_

           She cursed and punched the bulkhead next to the mirror.  _When is it over?!_  Her fist came back bloody, she sighed.

           “Way to go, ace,” she muttered to herself.

           The steam from the shower called her like a siren and she wearily finished taking off her pants and stepped into liquid comfort. The water sluiced its way over her sculpted muscles, taking with it, all of the grime that now covered her existence. Unwilling to let go of the moment of relief, she sat down and closed her eyes to the universe.

            Liara was going to want answers. The Alliance was going to want them too.   She had none to offer. The Intelligence had demanded she choose her death. For one ridiculous moment she had thought the digital rendering of a lone, dead boy, simply wanted company; one willing sacrifice to end the slaughter of billions.  _I was so wrong._

_“Ascend the Apex.”_

            Searing pain erupted from her biotics. Shepard screamed as the agony clawed up every nerve in her body.

            “Shepard!”

             _Miranda._

            She knew only agony.

            “Shepard!”

             _Miranda!_

           From a place outside of herself, she watched as Miranda lunged into the shower and pulled her out: body on the floor, Miranda above her.

            “Come on, Shepard. Don’t do this to me!”

             It was too much. Shepard struggled, raged against the pain. “Please, Shep.”

             _Enough!_   

            Blinded by the pain, Shepard reached out to the one light that held sanctuary. She grabbed hold. It was familiar. It was safe. She pulled… and Miranda screamed.

 ***

            “What the fuck?!”

            She was right behind Jack. Through the steam of the shower, she saw Lawson crumpled in the corner, adjacent to a naked Shepard.

            _Wow, naked… Focus Traynor._

            “Get Shep and I’ll get ‘Ho,” Jack ordered, shining through in a rare moment.

             She rushed to Shepard’s side but froze.

             _This wasn’t how it was supposed to go. Showering, yes. Dying? No…_

             She reached towards the Commander but stopped short. The energy of Shepard’s biotics scared her. She had never touched a human with biotics. Would it hurt? She tried again and again her courage left her.

             “She isn’t a saint! Grab her! What the fuck are you waiting for?” Jack shouted.

             “I-”

             “Move.”

              It wasn’t an order. It was a mandate. Liara appeared from nowhere and swept Shepard up in her biotics, picking her gently up off the floor.

             “Doc! Thank, whoever the fuck, you thank.” Jack said.

              Samantha’s face burned in shame.

             “Not now, Jack.” Liara replied. Shepard accounted for the Shadow Broker looked at her, “Help Lawson.”

              Miranda started coming around by the time they had them out of the bathroom and back into the med bay.

             “Get off of me Jack!” she declared weakly.

              Subject Zero laughed. “You only say that, bitch.”

             “No. Really, I mean it.” The doctor replied, “I have no idea where you have been. I don’t want to catch something.”

             “Fuck you too.”

             The ex-Cerberus agent shot Subject Zero a look that was…confusing. Miranda disentangled herself from between Traynor and Jack and moved, slowly, towards Shepard.

             “What happened?” Liara’s voice was unreadable.

              Miranda shrugged. “I don’t know. Shepard screamed. I went in and then…I-I think she, fed, off of my biotics.”

              “Fed?” Liara looked questioningly.

              “I have no other way to describe it.”

              Liara’s face was a mask of emotion. Fear, doubt, determination; Traynor found herself wishing for someone to share such a love with. She looked at Jack, and then rolled her eyes.  _Never mind._

             “Do your job and find out what is wrong with her,” Liara said, coldly looking at Miranda.

             “It’s more than just physical, T’Soni! Don’t you think if it was simply physiological, I would have found the problem by now? Or are we going to throw down doctorates? I happen to be a human medical doctor, and an expert on Shepard anatomy,” she dug in hard, “What is your expertise exactly? Prothean archeology? Make yourself useful doctor, and go dig something up.”

             “Shit.” Jack muttered, “Cat fight.”

 ***


	10. Interlude - Part Two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did I ever mention that 'interlude' is the safe word for writers.
> 
> When we say that, we are tapping out - because we are tapped out.
> 
> Could all of this gone into one chapter? Of course.
> 
> And that will happen if ever I edit it...
> 
> I promise I'll get back into a normal "swing" next post. Until then...humor me.
> 
> Disclaimer Ch.1 - Does anyone really think an fanfic writer is getting money?

The Opolyon:

      A light infiltrator class corvette. Maximum crew compliment of eight. It was of the same design as the Normandy but only thirty percent the mass. Two large antiproton thrusters gave the ship unprecedented speed and maneuverability. Combined with state of the art kinetic barrier and dark matter heavy plating, two medium Thanix Cannons and quad GARDIAN lasers; the Opolyon was every pilot’s dream…and Tali was living the dream.

_Oh, pa’pa, if only you could see me now._

       Tali sighed. It wasn’t that she didn’t want to help her people rebuild Rannoch. It was just…she no longer felt as though she belonged. If she would have known that her pilgrimage would forever separate her heart from her people…would she have gone?

      _Keelah, forgive me…yes._

      Despite the fact that she felt more at home when she was with Shepard and whoever her crew was at the moment, still she worked to help her people. Shepard had taught her- one doesn’t always have to be present to help.

       She had just finished sending her recommendation for synthetic redevelopment to the Admiralty when her environmental suit’s sound amplifier picked up what sounded like yelling from the deck below.

       That’s strange. She double checked that the auto-navigation system was activated and was about to go check the second deck when the bridge door swooshed open and in rushed Jack and Traynor.

      “What’s going on?” she asked, the look on both of their faces confirming that she wasn’t hearing things.

       Samantha said nothing, simply went to the ship’s systems terminal; her fingers flying over the holographic keyboard. Tali turned her attention to Jack, who had the biggest smile on her face.

       “Jack?” she asked slowly.

       “Tell me you can pull that up Tray” Jack said, not answering her question.

        “I still think this a horrible idea,” Traynor said sullenly.

        “What are you talking about?! This is going to be fucking epic. I have credits on the Asari.”

         Before Tali could ask again, interior ship audio filled the air:

         “Dig something up?” Liara’s tone was deadpan dangerous. “I was digging through the remnants of a civilization far more advanced than humans before you were a twinkling the eye of a test-tube and your father.”

         “And yet, for all your ageless wisdom, you gave Shepard to me when she was of no use to you anymore.”

          “You know that isn’t-”

         “Isn’t it?” Miranda cut her off, “You wanted her back. You hoped Cerberus could bring her back. And then what? Did you check in? Did you send a ‘get well soon’ vid? Anything? What- no…better yet, whom, exactly did you do, between when you dropped Shepard’s corpse off with me and when you spurned her on Illium?”

         “Keelah,” Tali breathed, and sat back down in the pilot’s chair. “I guess this is a good way to find out if the ship’s internal dampening system works,” she pulled up the damage control options and set the kinetic field. Jack laughed.

         “What? Did I miss something?” Traynor asked, confused.

         “Only the one week that Shepard was a girl,” Jack snickered.

          “She wasn’t…well, she was a girl, but she had her reasons.” Tali said. She remembered:

          The look upon Shepard’s face had been universal. Tali knew pain, rejection and confusion. She had been thrilled to see her Commander again. She had almost thrown herself at Shepard when she had rescued her from certain death on Haestrom. So, when Liara had stopped short of a reuniting kiss, that even Tali wanted to see, she had felt the Commander’s heart shatter.

          “You have no idea what you are talking about,” Liara’s voice held a warning.

          “Don’t I?” Miranda’s voice held a challenge. “Then tell me why she ended up in my office.”

          “Probably because Jack said no,” Liara responded evenly.

          “Damn! Take that bitch!” Jack laughed.

          Tali and Traynor both looked at the psychotic biotic.

          “What? Ah, come on! It wasn’t like that. I just jumped on top of her and she said no,” Jack, suddenly uncomfortable, corrected. “Don’t judge…Traynor.”

          Samantha shrugged. “It’s okay. I tried to proposition her in her shower.”

          Tali laughed. “Humans are so weird.”

          “Oh really, Admiral Tali’Zorah vas Normandy? Or should I call you Talz’ Vazan …the elusive extranet writer, who is known for her ship board romance stories. Especially the ones concerning a human and a quarian?” Traynor arched an eyebrow at her.

          “I have no idea what you are talking about,” Tali said with a dismissive wave.

          “The only ‘no’ that mattered was yours.” Miranda finished.

          There was thunderous silence.

          “What do you want from me, Miranda?” Liara’s voice sounded tired.

           “Nothing. I want Shepard-” her voice caught, “I just want Shepard to be okay-”

           Traynor cut the audio.

***


	11. Baggage & Cargo

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My dear reader,
> 
> I thank you for the indulgence of an interlude. For a few days I could barely string together a thousand words...as you noticed. But, it seems that my performance dysfunction has been corrected for the moment.
> 
> So, with that in mind - back into the fray, my friend.
> 
> Feedback is always welcomed and very appreciated. And, it works out well for you too dear reader...if I am in demand I put out. Eh...isn't that the way, though?
> 
> Enjoy.
> 
> ***

      “Isn’t that a good thing?” Shepard asked, hissing in pain at one point.

       “That hurt?” Miranda asked. Her patient nodded.

      “VI note: Patient exhibits tenderness on the right ulnar nerve. Proximal to implant: R3.” A soft chime signaled the entry had been recorded. “Normally, I would say yes. But we both know it’s not true.”

       Shepard looked intently at Miranda. She hadn’t been her normal, cool calm and collected. She was distracted and didn’t indulge the Commander in any conversation that wasn’t directly related to how Shepard was feeling. The ex-Cerberus agent had locked herself away doing research, and while Shepard wasn’t grateful for it; Liara was doing the same thing.

        _What in the hell happened?_

       “Are you going to tell me what happened?” She asked as Miranda moved behind her to continue her exam.

       “I told you, Shep. I don’t know what’s going on with you.”

       “I’m not talking about me. I’m talking about you and Liara.”

       Miranda sighed, “It’s nothing. We just don’t see eye to eye on somethings.”

       Shepard remained quiet only flinching at certain tender spots. “Does any of this hurt?”

       “No. I feel fine.”

       Miranda stopped and came around the exam table the look of a doctor whose patient is lying to them, in her eye. “Shepard?”

       “Hmm?” She lifted her eyebrows innocently.

       “Did that hurt?”

       “I said- I feel fine.” Shepard responded spacing the last three words and pulling her hoodie on. “Now since, I’m sick of being cooped up with two pissy mother hens, fussing over me, but not actually talking to me…I’m going for a walk.”

       “Shepard, we still don’t know what caused you to collapse last time,” Miranda protested.

       “Well, if that happens…you’ll have another shot at figuring it out, won’t you?”

       “Damn it!” Miranda swore as the door closed behind her.

***

        She had studied the layout of the Oployon during one of the many hours that she had been left alone in the med bay. Liara and Miranda were, apparently, trying to avoid being in the same room at the same time.  _Great._

        She found Traynor organizing the cargo bay.

        “Samantha!”

        The young woman let out a yelp of surprise. “Commander! By god, you scared me.”

        “Sorry,” Shepard grinned.

        Traynor returned the infectious smile. “It’s good to see you on your feet.”

        “It’s good to be seen. Or, at least, acknowledged. The last few days have been weird…” She said, hoping Traynor would take the bait.

        “Weird? How has… I haven’t noticed-” Traynor’s nervousness was all the confirmation Shepard needed.

        “Traynor,” she said her name with a warning.

         The specialist sighed, “I’ll tell you but only if you give me a hand with these crates. The kinetic sleds only go so high and I don’t have biotics.”

         “Deal,” Shepard said.

          The two fell into an easy cooperative as Traynor filled in the gaps of what had occurred after Shepard’s collapse. The argument, the tension, the eventual uneasy truce struck between the two doctors for the Commander’s sake.

          While Traynor spoke, Shepard felt more and more to blame. She had turned to Miranda for comfort, a warm distraction from the sting of rejection on Illium. Of course, she cared for the woman. Both of them had become tools for men who wanted to craft the universe to their ideals. She had seen her own loneliness in Lawson and if Shepard couldn’t fix that pain for herself…then she had wanted to at least assuage Miranda’s.

          But then the Illusive Man had given Shepard the key to freeing Liara from her obsession with the Shadow Broker. She had taken it. Liara had gone to great lengths to give Shepard back her life – she would do no less for the asari who held her heart. Even if, at the time she figured, that Liara had moved on with the drell Feron.

          When the fight was over, she had not expected the passionately heated kiss that Liara had laid on her. She hadn’t expected the tearful admission of Liara’s own personal pain: grief and loss weighing on her for two years. Shepard couldn’t blame her. She hadn’t considered the depth of Liara’s love. She didn’t see how it had pained the asari to hold onto hope, with only the promise of nothing.

          Shepard saw the conflict in Liara and, as a great tactician would, took the opportunity to break down the walls that her lover was barely keeping up. There was no way she was letting Liara go. Miranda had seemed surprisingly good natured about their reunion and had wished them the best… _How could I have been so blind?_

          Shepard sighed as she looked at the remaining reinforced shipping crate left in the middle of the room.

          “What do I do?” she asked, though not concerning the task at hand.

           “Do?” Samantha gave a rueful smile. “There’s nothing you can do, Commander. This is one of those things that will sort its self out. You cannot ‘fix’ matters of the heart. Time is the only thing that helps.”

            Shepard gave the ex-specialist another half-smile, “How did you get so smart, Traynor?”

           “I’ve always been this smart. You just never noticed, Commander,” she chided playfully.

           “Oh, I noticed. But, you didn’t want to end up in the same boat as Dr. Lawson, right?”

           “You have me there,” Traynor giggled. When she quieted down she looked poignantly at the Commander, “Thank you, for that.”

           Shepard shrugged. “I try to keep my jack-assery to myself- for the most part. Now, where do you want this?”

           Traynor pointed to a spot tucked in a far corner, “Over there. Be careful with it.”

           “Special package?” Shepard asked with a suggestive eyebrow lift.

           Samantha blushed. “Something like that…”

           The Commander looked between the container and the location that Traynor had specified. It wasn’t far but it would be awkward wedging the container into the space. For a moment, Shepard heard Miranda’s warning about her biotics, but she dismissed it.

         _Got to find out about them someday, preferably, outside of a fire fight._

          She gave them a quick ‘flex’. The energy was much, much darker than normal. Instead of the luminescent bluish, her biotics were like a black smoke accented with tendrils of crimson that snaked around her body.

          “What the fuck,” Traynor breathed both entranced and horrified.

           Shepard looked down curiously and shrugged nonchalantly. “Yeah, that’s pretty much where I’m at with it too. Stand back.”

           She gathered her focus. The biotic energy grew and flowed until it encased the container.

           _Here goes nothing._

***

           An activation alert drew Traynor’s attention from Shepard’s biotics to the data pad in her hand. That can’t be right.

           According the internal sensors of the shipping container, there was electromagnetic activity that was not present before. That can’t be right!

           “Shep-” The name fell flat as she took in the sight before her.

           Hovering slightly above the floor, ensconced in a strange swirling vortex of opaque and brilliant biotic energy was Shepard. A strange light from her eyes, erasing the color and any shred of recognizable humanity from them.

           “Oh dear god,” Traynor paled and keyed the com. “Somebody…Anybody! You might want to get down to the cargo bay.”

            She watched, hypnotized by the ever growing vortex of Shepard’s biotics. In her hand, the data pad screamed alert after alert. The cargo was activating. It was coming back online. _Could it be?_  There was a brief drain on the ship’s power before the engine core compensated.

            “Holy fucking shit!” She could barely hear Jack over the increasing grey noise. “What happened?”

            “I don’t know! She went to move the container with her biotics. Suddenly, every piece of tech started going crazy!”

            “We got to stop her,” Jack yelled back, squaring her jaw and trying to figure out her next move.

            “But- Jack!” Traynor pulled at the biotic’s sleeve.

            “Not now, Tray!”

            “You don’t understand-”

            “The hell I don’t! If we don’t stop her, she’ll either rip us, the ship or herself apart.”

            “But you don’t know that!” Traynor insisted.

            “Look at her! Does that seem ‘normal’ by any stretch of your virgin imagination?”

            “No…but Jack-”

            “Hold that thought. Back in a minute,” Jack placed a hand briefly on Traynor's shoulder.

             She watched as Subject Zero walked boldly towards the Commander. “Shepard! SHEPARD!”

             If the Commander heard her, she showed no signs of it. Jack covered the last few feet with her own biotics up to buffet the torrent coming from the Commander. “I’m sorry, Shep. This is going to hurt you a lot.”

             Jack balled up a fist, wound it back and let it fly – Shepard caught it mid-flight; her head snapping around quickly enough for the biotic hear to the sickening crack of vertebrae. She could feel her own biotic energy being torn from her. The sensation was painful yet pleasurable and undeniably disconcerting.

             Fear blossomed in Jack for a split-second before her own survival instincts kicked in and with a roar; she head butted Shepard, square in the face.

***

 


	12. Second Opinion

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello Dear Reader,
> 
> I'm sorry for the lateness of this post. I re wrote it a few different times and then I was shanghaied. It was all so very exciting. I hope you don't mind the direction that I went with getting into the 'meat' of the issue. Surely, you knew I would get around to addressing the plot points and not just having fun with characters?
> 
> Sure, I could have written another few chapters exhibiting Jack's roguish charm, but I figured I'd do 
> 
> something 'nice' and 'gentle' and then rough it up a bit and then ...well, depending... maybe the next chapter will be 'extra' mature or maybe I'll just torment you all longer. I suppose it depends on how my night goes...
> 
> ...eh...
> 
> Feedback, comments, and various forms of delectable attention are welcomed, but not mandatory.
> 
> Enjoy....

           The first thing she noticed when she came to was that she was not in the med bay. The lighting was warmer, the room immaculate but lived in and the pleasant stringed sounds of asari music gently filled the air. Everything about it screamed Liara.

            Speaking of…she lifted her head to try and locate her lover but a stabbing pain behind her eyes quickly dissuaded the movement. She groaned and dropped her head back against the pillows that propped her up.

           “How are you feeling?”

            Any pain was forgotten when she heard the question. Her bond mate’s voice perfectly complemented the music. Shepard opened her eyes and mouth to reply but the ability of speech fled her at the sight that greeted her:

            Gone was her daily attire. It was replaced by a sheer short robe, the color of midnight that hugged and contoured every contour. Aware of the effect, a playful smile tugged at the corners of Liara’s mouth.

            “Goddess,” Shepard breathed.

            Liara cocked her head and hip to the side. “I wouldn’t go that far… but I’m glad you approve.”

            “Yes. Please. Very much,” Shepard tried to put a sentence together as Liara covered the distance and, thankfully, silenced her with a kiss.

            “Better?” she murmured against Shepard’s lips.

            “Mm, much.”

            “Good. I figured a change in scenery might help,” Liara teased.

            “Agreed, wouldn’t change a thing…except the robe.”

            Liara frowned, “What’s wrong with the robe?”

            “Nothing, it’s lovely. Now take it off,” Shepard wiggled her eyebrows.

            Liara guffawed softly and playfully slapped her on the arm, “Maybe later.”

            “I hate that word.” Shepard pouted.

            “Maybe?”

            “No. Later. Have you ever noticed you spend your whole life waiting for  _later_?”

            “I have not but, then again, you and I have different perspectives on these things.  However, your impatience can be endearing...at times."

            “Are you saying I’m at my peak of cuteness when I’m petulant?”

             Liara assuaged her with a kiss. “Are you done?”

            “For now,” Shepard grinned, satisfied her plan worked. “So, if later, why am I in your bed now, T’Soni?”

            “Our bed,” she corrected. “Since conventional human medicine isn’t working and it seems that your biotics are the problem. I figured there would be no harm in trying asarian medicine.”

            “Asarian medicine? But- wait...are you?”

            “I am as qualified in asari medical practices as Lawson is in human.”

            “So…”

            “I have the fundamentals but, no, I haven’t practiced it. At least, not in some time.”

            “Time? How much time?”

            “About forty years, give or take.”

            “Forty?!”

            “Don’t worry. It will all work in theory.”

            “Theory?!” Shepard squeaked.

            “Well. Human and Asari physiology are similar, although, not the same. Hence the ‘theoretical’- what’s wrong?”

            “Liara. The last time you theoretically practiced medicine was before I was born.”

            “Lucky for you I have an excellent memory,” she smiled and fixed her with a look, “Do you trust me?”

            “With my life,” Shepard breathed.

            Her bond mate smiled a gentle, reassuring smile that alleviated all of her fears. Liara closed her eyes and when she opened them again they held an infinite darkness.

            “Embrace eternity, my love.”

***

            Warmth flooded her as she felt Shepard open herself up. She fought the urge to immediately join herself to her bond mate. She yearned to feel Shepard’s strength, presence, existence within her own. She kept her own consciousness just outside of her bond mate’s. Liara could feel Shepard’s longing for her, distracting her.

            _Patience, Love_.

            With a gentle push, she tamped down her lover’s desire to a less disruptive level. Liara gathered her focus and reached deeper into Shepard’s mind. Carefully, so as not to disrupt the functions of her bond mate’s body, she overlaid her senses with Shepard's.

           Locked in the silence of her own mind; Liara cried out in unexpected anguish. Shepard’s entire being was crying out in torment. It was struggling to fight. It was losing. Liara braced herself against the torrent feedback of Shepard’s nervous system and traced the…damage?

            No, that wasn’t it.

            She gathered her focus again and readied herself to go deeper when she felt herself gripped, in Shepard’s mind, by an alien presence.

             _“It will ascend.”_  A dark voice snaked its way into her ears.

             A tug...

             A pull...

            And she felt her biotics being torn from her.

             _“Who are you?!_ ” Liara fought against the assault, but she thrown from her bond mate's mind.

            Slammed back into her own body, Liara struggled to get her bearings. The disturbingly erotic and singularly painful sensation of the drain was wreaking havoc on her senses. Opening her eyes, she felt Shepard's steel grip on her arm.

            “Shep-” she tried. Her bond mate’s eyes were glowing as they had when she had first awakened. There was no recognition there.

            “Shepard.” She could still feel a weak connection to Shepard’s conscious.  _Shepard!_

             _Liara!_

            _Shepard! Let go!_

            She could see the muscles of Shepard’s arm twitching. Her lover was fighting but failing.

            _Damn it, Shepard, fight!_

            Hoping Shep would forgive her later, she did the one thing that she knew would drive the Commander through hell itself.

             _You’re hurting us._

            Instantly, the vice grip vanished and she watched in frozen horror as her lover's eyes shifted from the eerie glow to normal and back again, locked in battle within herself. Her bond mate’s body went rigid, shaking and, for a moment, she thought surely the Commander would seize. After an agonizingly long minute, Shepard’s eyes rolled to the back of her head and she slumped over.

            Liara maneuvered Shepard onto her back and pressed her head to her chest and silently thanked the goddess when she heard rapid beat returning to normal. She gently ran her hands through Shepard’s hair, knowing that her bond mate would fight her way back to consciousness as fiercely as she had fought…Goddess, what was that?

             Her lover stirred under her hands and when she opened her eyes, they were their normal color, but awash in tears.

             “I’m so sorry.”

             The anguished, unmerited apology broke her heart. She pulled Shepard to her chest.

             “There is no need to apologize, love.” She whispered, “It wasn’t you. It was...do you have any idea?”

            “Yes…no.”

            “That’s not helpful.”

            “I know,” Shepard said miserably. “It’s been with me since I destroyed the Crucible.”

            Liara furrowed her brow in confusion. “Don’t you mean the Catalyst?”

            Shepard shook her head. “No. Crucible. I was the Catalyst. I was what the Intelligence needed-”

            “Wait. Intelligence? What are you talking about? Shepard what happened on the Crucible?” Liara spoke the questions as they came. Her mind racing with new unknowns and implications.

            She watched as a spectrum of emotions, mostly confusion, played over Shepard’s face. Finally, the Commander looked at her.

            “It’s hazy.”

            “Hazy? I need something more than ‘hazy’.” Her tone was even, but she wanted to scream. Just once, she wished, that her bond mate was less disyllabic.

            “I don’t know how else to explain it. I lived through a massive explosion. My apologies for being hazy on the details.”

            Liara heard the barely veiled sarcasm. She held her tongue. She could only imagine what her bond mate had gone through and she didn’t want to think about what she was now going through. Shepard finally sighed and looked at her wearily.

            “Do you know how Anderson died?”

            Liara shook her head.

            “I shot him.”

                                                                                                                ***


	13. Stowed Away

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another day, another chapter...
> 
> I decided that we'd stick to the plot - or that thing that I'm calling a plot. I figured I'd get all the grunt work out of the way so that in future chapters, we have wiggle room to frolic with things secondary to the main plot.
> 
> That kinda makes me sound like I know what I'm doing, huh?
> 
> I haven't a clue... but I sure am having fun.
> 
> Enjoy, my friend.

 

           “Miranda, do you have a moment?” Traynor asked from the small medical office’s door.

            “Of course,” She said, closing out of the files she had pulled up. Deliberately she kept her eyes off of the now empty bed. “What can I do for you?”

            Traynor tapped the corner of a data pad in her hand and bit absently at the corner of her bottom lip. Lawson found the habit strangely endearing. She arched her brow, “Well?”

            “It’s about Shepard…”

            Inwardly, she groaned. Outwardly, her face remained neutral. “What about the Commander?”

            The young woman looked nervous. Then again, she always looked nervous. “Have you found anything…abnormal, with her?”

            “No. Not a thing. Aside from the discoloration on her skin and the strange biotic displays that usually end in Shepard unconscious; she’s the picture of health. In fact,” she reopened her terminal and pulled up the feed from the Commander’s bio-monitoring chip, “her cardiac readings, blood oxygen, metabolism; every bloody thing you can think of are at peak levels.”

            Traynor stared at the terminal. Lawson could almost see the younger woman’s mind methodically working through the information. She frowned, a small wrinkle appearing between her brows.

            “Did you implant this monitoring chip recently?” she asked, finally looking at Miranda.

            “No. It’s a permanent model. Embedded during the Lazarus project. Why?”

            “Here.” Traynor handed the data pad she had been holding to her.

            Miranda looked down at operating algorithms, binary coding and other technobabble that looked like gibberish to her. “What am I looking at?”

            “That? That is the operating log from the data pad.”

            “O-kay.”

            Traynor reached down and swiped the screen over to another operating log, except there were conspicuous lines of code that were definitely not human in origin. “This was the operating log during the time that Shepard went all dark biotic.”

            There was something familiar to the symbols, Miranda squinted. “Is that prothean?”

            Samantha shook her head quickly. “No. I already ran a check against all known examples of prothean script. Dr. T’Soni’s personal records alone are-”

            She caught an unimpressed tick of Miranda’s eyebrow at the name.

            “Well, let’s just say I’m positive it’s not prothean,” she finished quickly.

            “Then what is it?”

            “As far as I can tell, it’s a parent dialect of prothean.  In fact, variations of the symbols appear in nearly every species culture or language.

            The doctor looked at her skeptically. “You’re fucking with me.”

            “Fucking you?! No- I…” She scrambled for purchase as her mind instantly flew to the wrong places.  _Focus!_

            “No, I am quite sure about fuc… not fucking you- I mean with- with you. Ohdeargod, shut up Sam!” Her hand flew to her face in an effort to cover a furious blush.

            “At ease, solider."  The order was gentle.

            She peeked out from behind splayed fingers to see a bemused smile on Miranda's face.  She returned it relieved. “Sorry. I- yeah.”

            “You were saying?”

            “Yes, right…whatever the code is written in is old. Like really old. However, that’s not the most fascinating aspect. When activated, it interacts with tech and behaves in ways that isn't normal, at all.”

            “Like how?”

            Samantha swallowed hard, her mouth suddenly dry. She didn’t really want to tell anyone but Shepard’s life might depend on it. “It acts like a virus. It acts sentient. Like whoever created whatever this is, created nanites within code.”

            “That’s impossible. Nanites only effect organic material. I used them in rebuilding Shepard,” Miranda objected.

            “I know it shouldn’t be possible, but it is true. When Shepard used her biotics in the cargo hold, every piece of tech around went nuts! Miranda. It started reconstituting synthetic pathways that were obliterated with the Reapers.” she finished breathless.

            Lawson studied her for a moment. Her calculated gaze boring into her, “How would you know? Everything with Reaper technology disintegrated.”

            “Not everything,” Traynor muttered.

***

            Jack rolled off the container as soon as she heard voices, zipping up her pants on the way down.  So much for privacy.

            “-all of the Reaper technology was destroyed, but the actual hardware remained intact."  She heard Tray speaking. A small smile quirked on her lips.

            “I get that but you still haven’t answered my question: what exactly do you have?”

            Jack’s smile departed and she rolled her eyes at Miranda’s voice. She checked to make sure all buckles and zippers were in place before stepping out and leaning against the shipping container.

            “I thought I smelled skank,” she said, announcing her presence.

            “Perhaps you should shower then,” Miranda didn’t miss a beat.

            “You say the sweetest things, whore.”

            “Only to those I loathe.”

            “Enough!” Tray demanded. “Good god! Like harpies, the both of you! Can we go two minutes without the snarky dialogue?”

            Miranda and Jack glared at each other but said nothing.   Traynor went to the shipping container, muttering about mean girls and middle school and keyed the lock on the top of the long, coffin like container.

            There was a hiss as the container equalized in pressure to the cargo bay and the lid hydraulically lifted open. Through the mist created by the nitrogen shipping environment met with the oxygen of the ship, Jack could see a hint of silver.

            “No fucking shit, Tray! You did have it bad.” Jack laughed, and looked at the blushing former marine. “I take it you didn’t tell Joker?”

            She ducked her head and shook it.

            Miranda looked confused and walked over, “What are you- Oh, right...”

            Nestled within the coffin lay EDI’s body. Her optics glowed, but she remained motionless.

            “Is she..?” Miranda asked.

            “No. But her optical lights didn’t work until after Shepard tried to move her,” Samantha replied.

            “Lights are on but no one’s home.”

            Traynor hit Jack across the arm, “You are such a fucking child.”

            “Does Shepard know? Better yet, does T’Soni?” Lawson asked.

            “Does T’Soni know what?”

            Samantha yelped and spun in the air. “Holy-! Stop doing that! I’m going to put a collar on you.”

            Liara frowned, “Why?”

            “Because of the bell- never mind. Ask Shep, I’m sure she’ll explain it.”

            “Indeed. Now, what don’t I know?”

            Without a word the three women stepped aside so she could see EDI in the container behind them.

            “Shit."

***


	14. Bosh'tets & Bish'ynets

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay ...
> 
> This chapter is racier, but not by a whole lot. I'm leaving all the really good bits for the 'shippers. Because, let's face it, if I didn't believe that Liara and Shep are perfect together then, would I even bother writing this?
> 
> With that said...
> 
> There are perhaps one..  
> Maybe two... people out there that are going to want my head for this chapter! (You know who you are :) 
> 
> To you, I say:  
> I know that this chapter probably will not help your trust in me. And you might be slightly upset that I inflicted this 'pain' upon you...but it is for your greater reading pleasure - even if you do not know it yet. Have faith, that I will not make you to suffer without the promise of attending to your every injury with a gentle and practiced hand.
> 
> So, I beg your indulgence...
> 
> It will be worth it.... ;)
> 
> With nothing more meaningful to say -
> 
> Cheers.

She heard faint music coming from behind the bridge door. Shepard stopped just outside and strained to listen.

          _“Let the moon’s shining light-_

_Hide two lover’s with its rays._

_Though, I know that dawn will set-_

_Us a course for separate ways;”_

Shepard smiled at Tali’s rendition of Fleet & Flotilla: The Musical. Caught up in the moment, the quarian didn’t notice when the Commander slipped in and leaned against the bulk head, enjoying her beautiful voice.

          _“I will hold this night in memory-_

            _For all my living days._

            _Now, unmasked, I feel your skin on mine!”_

           Tali reached out for an imaginary lover as she held the last note. She sighed and let her arm drop when she was finished, the last few chords of the song rang into silence.

            “If you weren’t so good at saving the galaxy, I’d say you overlooked your true calling.”

            “Shepard!” Tali squealed and threw her arms around the Commander’s neck. “Keelah! How are you feeling? I was so worried. I thought you might never wake up. I’ve missed you.” Her hold around Shepard’s neck tightening as the words came tumbling out.

            “I miss you,” She managed to take a small breath, “and air.”

            “Oh! Sorry.” Tali stepped back, embarrassed. “I usually don’t strangle my friends in greeting. Although, it has been close quarters with Jack lately...”

            “Is that why it feels like a cat house around here?”

            “Cat house?”

            “Yeah, you know, angry women having puss- never mind. Of course you wouldn’t know.” Shepard muttered.

            “Are you asking about Liara and Miranda?” Tali offered.

            “Yes!” She said snapping her fingers and pointing at the quarian, “That’s it exactly. What’s going on?”

            “What’s going on?” Tali intoned crossing her arms. “Are you really going to stand there and play stupid?”

            Shepard frowned, “Stupid? What do you mean ‘stupid’?”

            Silence stretched out between them and then Tali shook her head.

            “Commander Shepard. Savior of the galaxy, tactical genius and paragon of humanity- is an ignorant bosh’tet when it comes to women. Who would have thought?”

            “What did I do?”

            “It’s not what you did. It’s who you did, in an engine room, about a year ago.”

            Shepard’s stomach dropped. “You know about that?”

            Tali chuckled derisively. “I lived in engineering. Did you really think I would let some Cerberus bish’ynet kick me out without finding out why?”

            Shepard dropped her face into her hands with a groan. It felt so hot she wished it would just burst into flames and end her miserable existence.

              _She turned on her heel and headed towards the elevator. They had some time before they reached the Omega 4 relay. The door opened a moment sooner than it usually did, revealing Miranda inside._

_“Oh, pardon me, Commander.”_

_Shepard said nothing and went to step around her but Miranda slipped her hand inconspicuously to the Commander’s chest and gently pushed her back a few steps and leaned in close, her breath deliciously tickling Shepard’s ear._

_“I’ve cleared the engine room. I’ll be there in five minutes,” She pulled away just far enough so that Shep could see the smoldering look in her eyes._

             _Shepard looked at her in disbelief and then smiled slightly. “I should have known you wouldn’t have settled for the captain’s quarters.”_

_“I settle for nothing- but the best,” Miranda replied, turning and walking back into the elevator. She pressed the button for engineering and winked wickedly before the door hissed shut._

_She didn’t bother to wait five minutes. She had followed the Cerberus agent soon after. She had watched as Lawson studied the drive core terminal, the soft light accentuating her flawless beauty. However, that wasn’t what Shepard saw. She saw a subtle tension and… sadness?_

            _Miranda let out a soft gasp as Shepard grabbed her hips from behind and rested her chin on the agent’s shoulder. She opened her mouth to speak but the biotic spun around in her arms and a sweet, demanding tongue replaced the words that had already been forgotten.  She wrapped her legs around Shepard’s hips as the Commander pulled her up and staggered them backwards, lip locked, until she felt the agent’s back hit the wall. Miranda rocked forward, throwing Shepard off balance until the Commander found herself trapped between the deck and sculpted thighs._

_She straddled Shepard, slowly, deliberately unzipping the Cerberus uniform. Offering up to the Commander's eyes the slope of her neck, her sculpted stomach and pristine breasts-_

            “How much did you…?” Shepard asked miserably.

            “Enough to know that Vaenia isn’t even close to accurate and that Miranda is a- what did you call her, a biter?”

            Shepard cringed, “Crap.”

            Tali laughed. “I’m not worried about it. But, now I think you understand the root of the issue at hand.”

            “Yeah, but what Lawson and I did- I mean, there was never anything-”

            “Are you sure?” Tali asked slowly.

            “Of course!”

            “Are you sure that is how Miranda felt?”

             As understanding set in, Shepard felt sick.

             It hadn’t occurred to her that Lawson had actually developed feelings for her. A wave of guilt roiled, when Shepard grasped how cruel her actions had actually been; she had unintentionally used, and callously discarded, the woman who had brought her back to life.

            “You don’t think she still feels that way, do you?” Shepard asked, hopeful a ‘sorry’ would suffice to fix this.

            “Do you think she would be on a ship with Jack and Liara otherwise?”

             “You’re right. I’m an ignorant bosh’tet.” She lamented.

             “And that’s why I made admiral before you,” Tali replied.

             “Hey,” Shepard retorted, “Watch it, vas Normandy.”

              She could see Tali's smile through her face plate, “It’s, vas Opolyon now.”

              “Seriously?” Shepard looked surprised. “Why?”

              Tali chuckled before spinning her seat back towards the helm, “Because I don’t work for bosh’tets.”

***

             “Why not?!” Jack demanded.

              “Because we wouldn’t just cut out your implants if they were being used to track you,” Samantha held her ground, nose to nose with Subject Zero.

              “She’s a trillion credit sex toy!” Jack threw her hands in the air.

              “She’s not a sex toy- she’s a highly evolved AI.”

              “Then she’s a smart sex toy,” Jack threw back.

              “There is no such thing,” Traynor crossed her arms.

              “Really? Then what is she?” Jack jerked a thumb in her direction.

              “The end of you, if you continue talking,” Liara said, straightening up from where she had watched the two humans argue over what to do about their new predicament.

               “Shit.”

               “What?”

               “The redundant locator; it would have activated as soon as secondary power returned.” Liara looked from EDI to Samantha.

               “Shit!” Traynor echoed, “Shit. Shit. Shit.”

                “Wait. What does that mean?” Jack asked.

               “It means,” Liara replied, “We are transmitting our location directly to Alliance HQ.”

           For the next five minutes she had half listened to Jack and Samantha argue about whether or not to remove the tracking sensor that was embedded deep within EDI’s hardware. The chances of permanently damaging the AI whilst doing so were significant. Liara sympathized with the young specialist’s objection. If there was a chance, however small, that EDI could be ‘resurrected’. Samantha wasn’t going to risk it.  _I did the same for Shepard._

            She made her mind up. “We aren’t going to remove the locator.”

           “Are you fucking insane?! Do you want the Alliance to bend us over the fucking table?” Subject Zero demanded.

           “No, but we aren’t going to risk EDI either.”

           “Then what’s your plan, Doc?”

            “We bring EDI back and she can take care of it.” Liara replied.

            Jack laughed bitterly, “I’m sorry. Could you repeat that? All I heard was ‘blah, blah, blah...I’m a dumb blue bitch.”

             The Shadow Broker fixed the tattooed biotic with a look she only reserved for the most difficult of customers.   “Perhaps, you would like me to open your ears for you?”

            Jack slowly shut her mouth, whatever comment she had dying in her throat.

            “But, that would mean-” Traynor pushed past the awkward moment.

            “That Shepard would have to do it.” Liara finished.

            “Yeah but – what is it exactly, that she does? And last time it nearly pulled us out of FTL. Plus, we don’t know what it does to her...” Samantha rambled; she stopped at looked at Liara. “What if it kills her?”

            Liara forced down the lump that already had formed in her throat. She had already considered the young woman’s concerns. She didn’t want to put Shepard at risk, but she knew her bond mate would insist on helping EDI as soon as she found out.

            “I won’t let that happen. I won’t trade one life for another,” Liara stated turning towards the door, “It will work.”

            “And if it doesn’t?” Jack called after her.

            “We will all be dead anyway.”

***


	15. Those three words

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well...
> 
> First, you will love me...
> 
> And then you will hate me...
> 
> Either way, both come from the same passion.
> 
> :)

           She found Shepard leaving the bridge. Her bondmate looked despondent as she meandered down the p-way. The Commander managed a smile when she saw Liara.

            “Hey, beautiful.”

            “We need to talk, Shepard.”

            All the color drained from her face. “About?”

            She said nothing instead grabbing her bondmate by wrist, leading them to her office. The door shut and Liara pinned her to the wall with her body and a searing kiss. She moaned when she felt lover’s mouth welcome her questing tongue. When she pulled away, she sighed in relief and leaned her forehead against Shepard’s.

            “I needed that,” she confessed.

            “Good talk?” Shepard asked impishly.

            A half smile tugged on Liara’s mouth and she gently pulled herself off of her bondmate. “You wish.”

            “So, that wasn’t the tongue lashing you wanted to give me?”

            The smile blossomed to full glory, “You are incorrigible.”

            “I’ve got to be something these days,” Shepard’s eyes held the truth despite the joviality of her statement.

            Liara caressed her lover’s cheek. She wished that the simple touch could erase the pain that she knew her bond mate held close and refused to share. Her eyes took in every familiar angle and plane of her beloved’s face. They took in the infinite sadness that had settled itself in the corners of Shepard’s features. Liara also saw the hope and devotion that tempered the abyss.

            “Why do you say that?” She wasn’t going to let her love go down into a personal hell without a fight.

            “Because-”

            She watched as a million unspoken reasons flashed over her Commander’s face. Finally, her shoulders fell. “Just, because.”

            Liara lifted her bond mate’s chin. “‘Just, because?’”

            The tears pooled in Shepard’s eyes. She watched as her lover’s jaw worked against words and emotions. Finally, Shep looked at her, worried.

            “I slept with Miranda.”

            “I know,” Liara said simply with no judgment.

            “I- wait, you know?”

            Liara fought against the twinge of jealousy, reminding herself that Shepard was in front of her confessing. She pressed herself against her lover again. Not that it was what she wanted to do at that moment, but there was a bigger picture.

            “Of course, I do,” She kissed her lightly. “What do you think  _joining_  means?”

            Panic slapped her bond mate in the face. “I-shit- I’m sorry…I didn’t-”

            She silenced her with a kiss, “Stop.”

            She watched as anxiety, fear, doubt followed by realization and finally desire danced over her lover’s countenance. Liara placed her hands on either side of Shepard’s head and stared deeply into the eyes she loved so much.

            “There you are,” she whispered.

             The kiss was crushing and possessive, driving all thoughts from her mind. She didn’t notice as the Commander swept her up in her arms and staggered them to the couch.  Shepard’s lips were not far from her own as they struggled and ripped out of clothes. She relished the sound of her lover’s hitched breath when she took in the sight of Liara’s breasts and ducked her head to worship them. She gasped, gripping the back of Shepard’s head as her back arched, offering her nipple up further to the demanding mouth. An approving growl sent a shiver up her spine as Shepard switched breasts adding a skillful hand to the neglected one.

            As her arousal increased under her bond mate's ministrations, her own needs began to manifest. When she felt Shepard push her thighs further apart and a single tortuously languid draw of the tongue over her clit, she nearly opened a connection with her but pulled back at the last second.

            Shepard’s eyes went wide. She stopped.

            Liara groaned.  _Damn it._

            “What’s wrong?” she asked slowly, pushing herself up from between her legs.

            “It’s nothing.”

            “I might not be an asari, but something just went wrong."

             Liara sighed heavily, “It’s not you.”

            “Uh…” Shepard sat up and gave a nervous, forced laugh. “I’m the only one going down on you so… I’m pretty sure your argument sucks.”

            “It’s not you,” she said again, sitting up quickly and wrapping her arms around Shepard before she could stand. “Please, listen.”

             She didn’t move but the Commander's body was taunt, ready to bolt, “Then what?”

             How was she going to explain this without her taking it personally?

             “It isn’t you,” she started again.

             “If it isn’t; why do you keep saying that?” Shepard’s tone was cold.

              Liara flinched, _Goddess help me._

             “It’s your biotics. Or more specifically, what happened to them.”

             “What about them?” her tone colder, body tenser.

             _I’m losing her_. She bit her lip. Shepard wouldn’t even look at her. Instead, her eyes were fixed on the door.

             “What happened on the Crucible,” she paused, unsure of what to say. “It has changed you.”

             The Commander shot up. Fear but mostly hurt driving her motions as she gathered her clothes. “I should go."       

             “That’s not-” Liara realized how it sounded, too late.

             “Stop,” Shepard parodied her earlier words.

             The tone stung. Before she could even come back from the blow, Shepard was out the door.

 

***

 


	16. Descension

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been so quiet lately.
> 
> The calm before the storm, perhaps?
> 
> You know, I hate leaving people at one level for too long. It's no fun. They get acclimated to it. They become desensitized. One has to know when to apply more pressure, or ease off a bit. The question really comes down to...how fantastic and 'happy' an 'ending' do I want to give you? I mean this as a metaphor - because we aren't close to the end of the story.
> 
> I say this because I am trying to judge your reactions, dear reader, blindly. And, everyone has different -mm- preferences. Some enjoy a bit of torture. Others don't like discomfort. But..
> 
> If you have no pain- how do you relish pleasure when it, comes?
> 
> Think on that when you are growling my name out.
> 
> Oh, and if you do growl it out? Please, do so with unfulfilled desire. It sounds so much better that way. ;)
> 
> Enjoy, my friend.

           A frustrated scream and then the echoing sound of something hitting the wall alerted Samantha that she wasn’t alone in the cargo bay anymore. Setting the data pad down, she set off in the direction of the commotion.

          “Mother fucker!”

           A spare medical kit nearly took off her head as she rounded the corner, she yelped and jumped back.

           “Shit! Sorry, Traynor.”

            She looked at the Shepard. She had never seen her looking so miserable and defeated.

            “Are you okay, Commander?”

            Shepard dropped down heavily on a supply crate and hung her head. “Sure am. Needed to blow off some steam is all.”

            She said nothing, simply watched as the Commander fell back into her own head for a moment. Samantha had no idea what to say. Instead, she walked slowly over to her and sat down next to the suffering spacer. She reached out, her hand hanging hesitantly over the woman’s hunched form. Finally, she let it fall and gently rubbed small, comforting circles between Shepard’s shoulder blades. After a minute, she felt the rigid muscles start to relax.

            “What do you do, when you don’t know what to do?”

             Samantha furrowed her brow. “That’s a deceptively complicated question.”

            “It was meant to be simple,” Shepard responded despondently.

            “Well, then the simple answer would be ‘fake it ‘til you make it’.” The Commander didn’t move or respond. She knew that wasn’t what she was looking for. “But, something tells me that ‘faking it’ might be bad.”

            Shepard chuckled bitterly and glanced at her sideways, “You have no idea.”

            “Is everything okay between you and Liara?”

            “Yes. No. Fuck,” She dropped her face into her hands. “I don’t know.”

            Samantha remained quiet, inherently knowing that presence and not advice was needed.

            “I used to be so sure. The Reapers, the Collectors, galaxy on the verge of extinction. I could handle that. All I had to do was give some orders. Shoot a few bad guys, get the girl and go home. Easy. Now…I don’t know. I woke up on the Shadow Broker’s new ship, on the run from the Alliance and, to top it all off, I woke up ‘wrong’.”

            “What do you mean ‘wrong’?” Traynor asked surprised.

            She shrugged glumly. “My biotics are fubar, apparently.”

            “That means your biotics are malfunctioning. That doesn’t mean you woke up ‘wrong’.”

            “Tell that to Liara.”

            “She said that?”

            The Commander swallowed hard and nodded.

            Samantha flinched in sympathy. “I’m sure that isn’t what she meant-”

            “What if she’s right?” Shepard cut her off. “I mean. I defied the universe the first time I came back.”

            “Yeah, but you didn’t die this time.” She replied.

            “I’m not so sure about that,” the reply was quiet.

            “What are you talking about?” Traynor asked slowly even as her heart beat faster. Commander Shepard’s posture told her that the statement was more than metaphorical.

            “I remember dying. It’s not something you forget. On the Crucible…Anderson and I were both dying,” her voice hitched. “He got there before I did, but I wasn’t far behind him. I shot the shit out of the conduit that destroyed the Reapers. When it exploded…I died-” A sardonic smirk, “Again.”

            “Miranda said it took them two weeks to find me. My injuries were so bad; do you think I really could have lived for two weeks without food, water or medical treatment?”

            Traynor’s eyes widened. She hadn’t even thought about that. She had simply put the Commander in superhuman status and had disregarded realities of human survival.

            “There was nothing. Those two weeks. I felt, remember, nothing. It was blissful. Peaceful.” Traynor saw a single tear hit the deck. “The next thing I know is I’m taking a breath. Hearing Jack’s voice and then, I was in hell and I haven’t left.”

            “I could see how Jack’s voice would make one believe they were in hell,” Traynor replied solemnly, at a complete loss as to what to say.

            Shepard managed a chuckle, “Nice.”

            “All I know is that you are here and alive now.” Samantha took the opening in Shepard’s mood. “And I know that every single one of us gladly became fugitives because you are still amongst the living and it will stay that way…at least, for as long as it takes the Alliance to find us.”

            The Commander’s demeanor shifted, she straightened. “Why do you say that?”

            “Say what?” Traynor nervously asked.

            “Traynor.” Her name was said as a warning.

             _When am I going to learn to keep my mouth shut?_  She took a deep breath. “You see, what had happened was…”

***

            She

                       Was

                                Pissed

            The more Traynor filled in the gaps. The more she learned about the nature of the change in her biotics. The angrier she became. How dare Miranda and Liara keep this from her! When had they planned on telling her? What right did they have leave her out of her own life? She was a danger to other biotics. Her biotics were a danger to tech. She was hazard; a liability, a walking biotic bomb.

             _Reaper code_. Her lip twisted into a sneer.  _That explains the voices._

            When Traynor told her about EDI and the locator, a plan started to form in Shepard’s head.

                 She could fix this.

                        She  could make it right.

                                    She could shut those fucking voices up.

            “Where is she?” Her tone was steady.

            “I put her on the subdeck in a quantum dampening field. Hopefully, it buys us some time,” Traynor shrugged.

            “Quantum dampening field, huh? That pretty strong?” Shepard asked, standing.

            “The strongest,” Samantha sighed.

            “Good to know,” Shepard said and started for the subdeck stairs.

            “Wait! Where are you going?”

            “I’m going to save a friend.” She said over her shoulder.

            “What?! Are you insane?”

            “Nope. Well…I have been hearing voices, but I’m sure on this.” Shepard replied, jogging down the steps. Traynor was right behind her.

            “But we don’t know what will happen! Any number of things could go wrong which could result in really horrible things, that I don’t want to think about, happening. Liara would kill me if she knew I let you do this!”

            “Then don’t tell her.”

            She arrived at edge of the dampening field. On the other side she could see EDI laying as if in repose. A lance of anguish and guilt sheered through her.

             _You did this!_ They accused.

            “I can fix it,” she whispered.

            “What did you say?” Traynor’s voice shook her from the haze.

            “Put the field up behind me,” Shepard ordered, keying it off for a second and stepping over the boundary.

            The field snapped back into place. She walked slowly to EDI. Part of her felt wrong for invading the space. She had been the one who chose to kill off all synthetics. She had been selfish. She could have sacrificed herself, the one, for the peaceful lives of all.

           “ _Synthesis is the apex of all evolution.”_  The Intelligence, framed to look like the boy she couldn’t save, had said. “It is not just a possibility, it is inevitability. You are the catalyst of this.”

           Her mind raced. She had been so blinded by her goal. She hadn’t realized that the end had already been determined by the Intelligence. There had never been an option. Synthesis was the only one. The ‘choice’ that Intelligence had given her was how it would happen. Shepard was the agent, the catalyst, the method of delivery.

           A means to someone else’s end. Some things never change. She flexed her biotics. She savored the rush of slivering energy that coursed under her skin. She noticed it felt different. It was hers, but not.

          “Shepard!”

          She resisted the urge to turn around at the desperation in Liara’s voice.

          “Shepard! Don’t do this!”

          _I hope this works._

                She closed her eyes.

                             She focused.

                                  She let go.

 

***

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Continued in Mass Ab Intra...
> 
> (Mind you this was literally pulled out of the abyss by Annien so if there is a chapter missing... I don't remember, let's hope I covered it in Mass Ab Intra... if not, when I re read this - I might add more... hahahah thanks for reading this far - Cheers,
> 
> Bendithio - 9/10/2018


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